* Life in Joyful Chaos *

Food Allergies and School

2012-01-27T10:21:00.011-05:00

I read this story today about a seven-year-old boy who was allergic to peanuts and nearly died after eating them at school.

I know I talk about food allergies a lot but I didn't fully understand the seriousness of them until we started living with them, and I want to help others understand, too. Even if you don't have a child with allergies, you could be instrumental in helping an allergic child, which could save his or her life.

This boy's mom did everything right. She sent her child to a peanut-free classroom. She went in and approved the snacks that were safe for him. Still, while eating a snack and watching a movie in his classroom, he ate peanuts. Another child had a peanut butter granola bar and it somehow ended up on this boy's plate. In the dark, he reached for it and took a small bite.

He was fortunate because he initially reacted with only an itchy tongue and a stomach ache, and then had a delayed reaction, which is extremely rare. Usually, reactions occur almost immediately. Only after arriving at the hospital did this particular boy break out in hives, his throat tightened, and his lungs started shutting down. He was put on life support, a heart-lung bypass machine, and he survived.

Tragically, a little girl, also seven years old, didn't survive when she ate peanuts given to her at school by a classmate, just a couple of weeks ago. Again, her mother did the right things. She had an allergy action plan at school for her daughter.

I'm thankful that the people at E's school understand the severity of his allergies and take them seriously. His school is peanut-free, he takes his own food and has a supply of snacks at school. The school contacts us regularly to check on ingredients for projects or special occasions.

Still, I worry. His school is peanut-free, but he's just as allergic to cashews and other tree nuts as he is to peanuts. And, all it takes is a classmate to give him a bite of something. It's a fear that every parent of an extremely allergic child lives with.

What strikes me in the case of the two children I mentioned is that an EpiPen and Benadryl weren't administered. In the case of the little boy, 911 wasn't called and he went to the hospital with his mother, rather than in an ambulance.

It seems to me that, with more and more children having life-threatening allergies, there should be consistent allergy plans in all schools. They're trying to pass a bill in Virginia that would put EpiPens in all schools. Why aren't all states doing this? EpiPens can mean the difference between life and death. The EpiPens and Benadryl need to be easily and quickly accessible, and all school personnel, including substitute teachers, should have a clear understanding of which children are allergic, and how and when to administer the necessary meds, and to call 911 first and the parents second.

When E first reacted, I instinctively gave Benadryl and called his pediatrician, who told me to take him to the hospital. If, God forbid, he ever has another reaction, I will give the Benadryl and EpiPen and then call an ambulance, rather than taking him to the hospital myself. Even though I was very familiar with food allergies, I had no clue about how serious they could be. Now I know. Educating more people about them can mean fewer little lives lost to them.

*******************************************

E Update

2012-01-26T23:20:00.004-05:00

E saw the allergist first thing Monday morning, and she said that he was one sick little boy. Their goal was to keep him out of the hospital, so they loaded him up with seven different asthma meds and told us to call immediately if he got worse. They wanted to see him again on Wednesday.

So, he went in again yesterday and they were happy with his progress, although he's still coughing a lot. He's not wheezing as badly or complaining that his chest hurts, so we're thankful for that. They want to continue to keep him away from the hospital, which I appreciate, but he now has eight asthma meds!

I'm so glad that he's on the right track. I was scared for awhile there, and honestly was surprised that they didn't admit him. And, as much as I dislike all of the meds, I dislike watching him struggle to breathe even more!

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Please Pray

2012-01-25T19:35:00.005-05:00

Please join me in praying for Ian and Ashley, who just lost their seven-month-old son, Cole, yesterday, and for our friends, Dean and Gwen, who are grieving the loss of their grandson. Sadly, I asked for prayers before for them, when Owen passed away, also when he was just seven months old.

It's hard to even begin to comprehend what their family is going through right now, still very much missing and grieving Owen, and now little Cole. Their faith is strong but their pain is very real. I know that they would appreciate prayers.

I had more that I wanted to write,
but honestly, the words just aren't there.
Lots of tears, lots of prayer, but no words...

I keep listening to the song below.

The Bed

2012-01-24T09:39:00.005-05:00

When I first saw this bed, all I could think was, "Wow!'
It was beautiful and it just looked like so much fun,
especially for a family like ours, that always seems
to be playing musical beds at night.

As I continued to look at the picture,
I suddenly saw E,
hanging from the upper bars.

I saw GracieGirl jumping
from the upper bed to the lower.

And E following suit...

I saw lots of Matchbox cars
thrown onto the ledge on the ceiling.

I saw the ceiling become an inviting canvas
for all sorts of artwork
created by little hands.

And then, I thought about
changing the sheets.

Suddenly, the bed lost
its appeal.

It's beautiful,
but not something I'd like
in my home!

***********************

Tough Week for E

2012-01-22T19:32:00.010-05:00

E's had a bit of a rough week. On Tuesday, his doctor decided to decrease one of his meds because it was making him drowsy during the day. It only took a couple of days before we saw that this wasn't a good move. He became physically aggressive, began making threats, and he started talking about morbid things again.

I continue to have a love/hate relationship with his meds, but this confirmed the fact that he really does need to be on them. It was amazing to see how quickly he deteriorated on the lower dose.

One thing was kind of funny. His teacher emailed and said that E had fallen and gotten a rug burn on his knee. She said that he was as cool as a cucumber about it and was completely calm when she bandaged his knee.

Well, I didn't find out about this until later. All I knew is that he walked in the door after school that day and let out a horrific scream! He continued to scream hysterically, and then became panicked, repeating, "My leg! My leg!" over and over again. He screamed about how he couldn't walk, and he hopped around in circles, crying. He managed to make his way to my lap, where he sat, sobbing. He then became frantic because he wanted the band-aid off but he was afraid to take it off and he didn't know what to do...

Later, when I read his teacher's email, it really confirmed the difference in behaviors between school and home. I'm thankful that he continues to be able to hold it together in school but I also sometimes feel like his teachers think we're exaggerating when we describe E's behaviors.

Today's struggle is asthma. It's bad, the worst it's been in a long time. We had the allergist on call paged, and it took three hours and two subsequent calls for him to call back. We were ready to just go to the hospital, but he finally called and suggested trying prednisolone first, and taking him in to the office tomorrow. He hasn't had prednisolone in a long time, and it will be interesting to see how it affects him. All he needs is more irritability, mood swings, and insomnia!

Prayers appreciated.
It breaks my heart to see him struggle
and to hear him say that his chest hurts.
Thank you!

**************************************

Insanity

2012-01-18T23:15:00.005-05:00

I know the definition of insanity.

Still, after taking a break for a few weeks, Nick took all four kids to church again tonight.

I stayed at home, alone, surrounded by peace and quiet.

At exactly 9:28 PM, that peace was abruptly shattered as GracieGirl came tearing in the door, sucking her thumb, crying because she was so tired.

Her day began at 9:00 AM at school, she was home for 10 minutes at 3:00 before going off to her after-school program, where she was picked up at 6:00 and went directly to church. No wonder she was tired!

She clung to me, crying, while E stormed in. GracieGirl went to the bathroom, which was when E started screaming frantically that he had to go potty. This is typical behavior for him, and I yelled to Nate over E's screaming and asked him to take E upstairs to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, there was no sign of Nick or Jay. Finally, Jay came trudging in, eyes downcast. Nick informed me that Jay's Skylanders were missing. Now, I don't know exactly what Skylanders are, except that they are Jay's current obsession. He lives and breathes Skylanders, and the fact that they were missing was beyond devastating to him. He was convinced that someone had broken into the car while they were in church, stolen his Skylanders (while leaving the checkbook that Nick had accidentally left there), relocked the car, and taken off with his valuables.

As E came tearing back downstairs, I helped tearful GracieGirl get into her pajamas, while Nick doled out meds and supplements. Jay sat at the table in a complete panic, hyperventilating. There's such a fine line to walk when he's in that state; he needs his meds so we have to be firm, but we also have to be sympathetic or he goes off the deep end. After much coaxing, I got him to take his meds. He then returned to the table to hyperventilate and do art therapy, aka angrily drawing all over the paper. I was thankful he was letting out his feelings.

E then melted down because he never got to play today, and begged for "just 12 more minutes" until he had to get his pajamas on. I obliged, slowly counting to 12, in between attempting to calm Jay and hold GracieGirl, who was too afraid to go brush her teeth. Nate, who was my lifesaver tonight, took GracieGirl up to brush her teeth, so I could focus on the other two boys.

E then asked if he could please, please, please sleep in his clothes. I told him that would be fine, as long as he changed into clean clothes. Then he begged to wear his sleeveless basketball jersey, the same one he'd raged about in the morning when I said he couldn't wear it to school. At that point, I didn't care if he wore a dress to bed, as long as he went to bed! He put on the jersey...and then wanted the shorts to go with it. I told him where to find them, and off he went.

Jay was starting to calm down a bit, and was ready to go upstairs but reminded me that he didn't have any sheets on his bed because he'd taken his sheet outside and attempted to go windsurfing with it and the broom. He wasn't able to surf but he did manage to tear the sheet in two. I asked Nick to find a sheet for Jay's bed, at the exact same time that E started screaming that he needed grapes! I reminded him that he has a banana before bed, nothing else. He screamed that he needed grapes. I ignored him. He finally came down and got a banana but it fell apart and so did he. So Nick found a new banana for him, which he ate too fast and gagged on (a regular occurrence these days). He also started itching, so Nick gave him meds and took him up for a treatment because he was wheezing.

Jay came back downstairs and was getting worked up again, so I gave him the extra privilege of playing a computer game, only because I knew, if he just calmed down a bit, his meds would kick in and he'd be out.

So, it's 11:11 and the house is peaceful, at least for now. They usually start waking up at around 1:00, so I'll savor the silence while it lasts.

I know that Nick needs church, but I'm just not able to take care of the kids while he's gone. So, I'm just going to pray for a sitter to show up on Wednesdays...because there is no way we're sending the kids next week and having a repeat of tonight! :)

**************************

Ready, Set...Hit Publish!

2012-01-14T21:07:00.001-05:00

I wrote this last night and hadn't quite gotten up the nerve to hit the Publish button. Then I read this post by my sweet friend, Letitia, today, and that gave me the courage to post this.

In spite of joking around in my last post, part of it was difficult for me to write.

As I acknowledged that I am overweight, a whole slew of emotions crept up. It's so much easier to ignore it. If I don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.

But, once I put it out there, the insecurities immediately showed up:

Bloggy friends aren't going to like me anymore.

Friends and family will be more disgusted than ever.

Yesterday, I was looking through my journal for some info on a med to which I had an adverse reaction (one that they almost gave me in the ER!). As I read through the old entries, I saw many of the same things, over and over again:

I'm in so much pain.

The different medical issues are mounting.

I can't take this anymore.

I feel like a burden as I watch Nick function as a single parent.

I feel like a failure as a wife and mother.

What struck me is that I wrote those things five years ago, and four years ago, and three years ago. And last week...

I get so caught up in the day-to-day stuff that I don't even realize how long this has been going on. I don't realize that the emotions I'm feeling today are the same ones I felt years ago.

I don't like talking about my health issues. I don't like sounding like a whiner. So, for the most part, I ignore them as much as possible.

But maybe ignoring everything isn't the solution. Because, after what I read yesterday, maybe I'm more resilient than I thought. I said that I couldn't take one more thing; I couldn't take any more pain. Well, that was two or three or even five years ago, and I am still taking it, and more.

It's easy for me to focus on my shortcomings: the times I get discouraged, become depressed, isolate, and want to give up. By far my worst shortcoming is my weight, and the fact that I use food to self-medicate. The fact that I consider myself to be addicted to carbs and sweets. The fact that I've lost and regained the weight, more than once.

I feel like a hypocrite because we have a health business. But, the truth is that I do love healthy food! The majority of the food I eat is good, healthy food; I just eat way too much of it! I think that's the reason that, at my weight and my age, I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes. I don't for a minute think that I'm exempt from those things, or any other weight-related diseases; I'm just thankful that, for today, they're not an issue.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, except to acknowledge that I'm hurting, physically and emotionally. And that I've been adding shame and guilt to everything else that's going on.

I'm stronger than I realized, emotionally. Physically, not so much. :) I just need to say that it's hard and that there are times that I want to give up. But, maybe if I let go of the guilt and shame, I'll be free to work on the other stuff. I can also say that I see God's hand in this and that He hasn't let me fall yet.

So, for today, I'm picking myself up, again, and fighting.

Maybe being a little gentler with myself...

And praying for some help, some answers, and some healing...

*******************************

Trapped in a Wheelchair...and Other Ramblings

2012-01-13T17:21:00.014-05:00

Nick and I are polar opposites. He's an extrovert; I'm an introvert. He shops; I purge. He wouldn't notice if there were 14 open bottles of ketchup in the fridge; I cringe at two open bottles of anything!

I've said before that he advocates seeking medical attention for a hangnail; I avoid medical professionals at all costs. Twice in our 20 years together, I've told him that I needed to go to the ER. This past weekend was one of those times.

I actually didn't tell him that I needed to go this past weekend; I told him that I would have time to go on Tuesday. He told me that you don't schedule times in the future to go to the ER. I told him that I just did!

Nick had been telling me to go for over a month, ever since the fevers, chest pain, coughing, and shortness of breath had started. I refused. Repeatedly. So, when I finally agreed to go, he knew it was time. His parents came up, and he took me in on Sunday evening.

One of the many reasons I didn't want to go to the hospital is because of the massive amount of weight I've gained over the past five or six years of living an almost completely sedentary life. Factor in emotional eating in response to stress, pain, and the ensuing depression, and the results aren't pretty. As I told the former blogger, Michelle, I have emotional scars as a result of almost getting permanently wedged into a wheelchair last year. I thought they were going to have to call a surgeon...or employ the jaws of life!

So, Nick, of course capitalized on my fears. He's good like that. He drove up to the ER, and dramatically showcased each wheelchair for me. I shook my head in response to each one, and stubbornly walked to the entrance. Later, he did his best overhead paging impression, saying that a doublewide wheelchair was needed in the ER, stat! I, of course, kept laughing, which led to another round of coughing, which led to more shortness of breath.

After blood tests, x-rays (which showed a "little bit" of pneumonia), a breathing treatment, and IV antibiotics, I still wasn't feeling any better. The doctor decided to test for a pulmonary embolism, since I had one in the past. She said that they'd do a blood test, and if it was positive, they'd do a CT scan.

Well, there's nothing normal about me, so of course the test wasn't positive, and it wasn't negative! It was abnormal. Story of my life. :)

So they ordered a CT scan...and then came the moment of truth. An orderly came in and asked if I'd be more comfortable riding in a wheelchair or on a gurney. I gave him a blank stare, while the thoughts raced through my mind: Which would be more mortifying, getting my ample buttocks wedged in a wheelchair, or not being able hoist my "big-as-an-apartment-complex, having-surpassed-big-as-a-house" body up onto a gurney? Honestly, it's hoisting my cement-filled lymphedema legs that's the problem, so after a long silence and a not-so-subtle nudge from Nick, I chose the wheelchair.

I'm sure the guy thought I was crazy. :)

While the orderly searched, Nick returned to his overhead paging tactics, pausing only to ask me if I wanted the "special lubricant" they use on the hips and outer thighs of patients to ensure that they slide easily into and out of their wheelchairs. Again, I went from laughing, trying not to laugh, not succeeding, coughing, and gasping. Lovely.

It was 3:00 AM by this time, we'd been there for eight hours, and we were both in rare form. As the guy finally returned with the wheelchair and was adjusting my foot rests, Nick said, "In case you were wondering, she's not European; she has lymphedema, and that's why she has hairy legs!!!"

At that point, I didn't even bother trying to suppress my laughter. Oh.my.liver! He's the crazy one!

So, we arrived at radiology,
and while the woman was verifying my information,
she read my weight OUT LOUD!!!
I screamed,
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT have you done???
He thinks I weigh 125!"

Now, I just have to pause for a moment here. We have HIPPA laws that state that I can't be on my cell phone while picking up my kid's prescription at the pharmacy drive-through window, but it's OKAY to utter my weight in front of my husband??? Sorry, but that is just wrong! As soon as I get better, I'm going to fight this injustice. Maybe scales should just be banned altogether. Back when I used to go to the doctor, it had gotten to the point where the nurse would gesture towards the scale, I'd just shake my head and say, "Nope," and we'd move on. Easy peasy.

I survived the CT scan (barely) and was told that we should have the results within the hour. Are you kidding me?? It's not like I was 15th in line; I was the only one there! We went back to the room, and I sat and waited, vowing to fight for TVs in all ER rooms. A nice little beverage and snack center would be much appreciated, too. My mouth was soooo dry and metallic-tasting from the contrast dye, and they didn't even want to give me any water.

Nick could tell that my mood was going south, so he attempted to entertain me by taking pictures of me with his app that added huge moose antlers to the top of my head. They were so funny! Um...and no, I won't be posting them here!

Pros: I don't have a pulmonary embolism, I don't have MRSA, and most importantly, I didn't have to be surgically removed from my wheelchair.

Cons: Nine hours in the ER, large doses of radiation, no health insurance. Oh, and five days of antibiotics later, I don't feel any better!

Shoulda stayed home! :)

************************************

Nate is 14!

2012-01-12T23:05:00.000-05:00

Nate turned 14 last Thursday! On his actual birthday, he wanted to go to the Chinese buffet for lunch. I'm not sure why, since he ate chicken nuggets and french fries! But, it was his birthday, so he got what he wanted!

Afterwards, he went to the mall with his aunt. That's a big deal because we don't do the mall, so the only time he goes is when she takes him! He got a few things he wanted, like a Baja hoodie, a new hat, and an Xbox game, and then went to get his birthday dinner. He'd recently discovered Reubens, and that's all he wanted. They went to the best Jewish deli around (okay, so it's the only Jewish deli around, but it really is good!) and ordered take-out.

After dinner, he said he was tired, which really meant that he wanted to go play his new Xbox game!

On the weekend, Nick took Nathan and a friend to an indoor skate park where they could scooter for hours. I was sick, so Nick got to take the other kids, too! There was a Dave & Buster's right there, so he bravely spent the afternoon there with them.

Nathan's friend slept over and then went to church with them in the morning. On Sunday afternoon, we had a family party here at the house. Again, Nick did everything, while I stayed upstairs, sick. Because he was so busy with the party and his pathetic patient, he didn't take any pictures! Thankfully, my sister sent one of the birthday boy.

Happy Birthday to my sweetest, oldest boy! People always say that time flies, and it really does. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was privileged to be at the hospital with your birthmom and was able to see you just minutes after your birth. Holding you was miraculous, and I think I cried more than you did! You've grown into an amazing young man, and I'm so proud of you. You're not afraid to try new things, you make friends wherever you go, and you're polite and respectful of those you meet. My prayer for you is that you can accept how much you are loved. I love you, Nate!

*********************

Piglets

2012-01-07T17:45:00.010-05:00

One of my favorite places on the planet is
Ross Mill Farm ~ Home of the Pet Pig.
I realize that not everyone understands or shares my love
of potbellied pigs, but there are few places I'd rather be
than at the farm, rubbing pig bellies.
The piglets are especially adorable
and I can't help but smile looking at their pictures.

Fun Junk Food

2012-01-05T22:55:00.003-05:00

GracieGirl was having a tough time not eating wheat when there were so many goodies around over the holidays. I wasn't feeling well enough to do any baking, but I decided to try this quick and easy idea, knowing that we'd pay for the effects of the artificial colors later! We did, but they had so much fun that it was worth it.

We made Marshmallow Pops by inserting extra long
lollipop sticks into marshmallows and dipping
them in melted white and/or dark chocolate.
The kids then rolled them in their choice of sprinkles.

Easy enough for me to handle, and the kids loved them!

If I was a wealthy purist, I would have made homemade
marshmallows and used natural sprinkles.

But I'm not,
so I didn't.
:)

********************

New Year's Eve, Part 2

2012-01-04T12:17:00.005-05:00

Another thing we did for the first time this year was to print out My Prayer & Resolution, which I found here.

It reads:

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for a new year.
I am so thankful to know that
You will be with me every single day.
Please help me to do my very best this year.

by Your grace and with Your help, I promise to:

________________________________

If I fail, please help me try again.
I pray this in the name of
Your Son, Jesus.

Amen.

Everyone filled it out and signed and dated it. Here's what the kids came up with:

Nate - have a better attitude

Jay - be the person God made me to be

GracieGirl - not get so upset when E does something to me

E - try to be a good boy

********************

New Year's Eve 2011

2012-01-04T01:07:00.015-05:00

The Plan:

Our friends offered to let us use their cottage for New Year's Eve. Nick and I love the cottage, and decided to take the kids for the first time. We expected enthusiasm. We didn't get it. The older boys wanted to know if they had cable, GracieGirl said that she didn't want to go, and E agreed with his siblings, for once.

We didn't care; we were going, and that was that.

Then Nate got sick, a very rare occurrence. Then E had an asthma flare. I also had some health issues going on, and we realized that it just wasn't going to happen.

Sigh.

So...we did a repeat of last year, with a few changes. We made our noisemakers, and instead of pizza, we made nachos, which were an easy gluten-free meal. I originally got the New Year's Eve idea from Leslie at Joyful Mother of Six Children, and well, I also borrowed the nachos idea from her! She had mentioned that her son had a nacho contest for his birthday, and I loved the idea. So we set out a crazy amount of toppings and each person went to work creating their nachos!

We had:

ground beef with taco seasoning
two kinds of sausage
bacon
caramelized onions
refried beans
corn
salsa
black olives
shredded cheese
sour cream
hot sauce
jalapenos
lettuce
tomatoes
Three kinds of tortilla chips

The kids loved it because I don't eat olives, but I wanted to win, so I piled not only olives, but also jalapenos and hot sauce on my nachos! They couldn't stop laughing, and they laughed even harder when I actually ate them!

I think this one was Nick's:

Here are a few others:

This was GracieGirl's, who thought that she
just had to pile everything into her bowl,
not realizing that she was supposed to
actually eat it, too!

I'm not sure what happened with this one!
I think it was E's!

At any rate, we were so busy eating the nachos
that we never voted on them!

Awhile later, some friends stopped by
and did some serious sundae building:

I have no idea why Jay
has a wrapped Tootsie Pop in his mouth!

E with his friends!

We also asked questions like we did last year. Here are this year's responses:

Nate (13):

Favorite book of the year: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Favorite place you went this year: Creation

Some things you're thankful for: God, family, friends, scooter, iPod

Some things you learned this year: How to install ICS, how to do a 360 and a bar spin, how to not hang out with the wrong crowd.

One place you'd like to go next year: Woodward Scooter Camp

Favorite Movie: Transformers

Favorite things you did this year: Making new friends and scootering

Jay (11):

Favorite book of the year: Little Pilgrim's Progress

Favorite place you went this year: Chinese Buffet Restaurant

Some things you're thankful for: God, family, friends, 3DS, scooter

Something you learned this year: Not to kick Nate

One place you'd like to go next year: Japanese Cartoon Convention (Pokemon)

Favorite Movie: Muppets

Favorite thing you did this year: Went to the Chinese Buffet with Daddy

GracieGirl (6):

Favorite book of the year: No Room at the Inn: The Nativity Story

Favorite place you went this year: School

One thing you're thankful for: Everyone

Something you learned this year: "You teached me the clocks and how to tell time."

One place you'd like to go next year: Indoor Inflatables Park, then Wal-mart

Favorite Movies: Muppets and Rio

Favorite things you did this year: Spending time with my family and going to Wal-mart for a toy

E (5):

Favorite book of the year: Putting the Little Brother in the Bubble (Nate got a science book for Christmas and was particularly interested in the experiment about encasing a little brother in a giant bubble. E apparently thinks this is a good idea.)

Favorite place you went this year: Skate Park

Some things you're thankful for: Lego, God, Jay, Nate, GracieGirl, Mommy & Daddy, and everything.

Something you learned this year: I did learn something. I learned I want to be a comedian.

One place you'd like to go next year: Skate Park

Favorite Movie: Muppets

Favorite thing you did this year: Went to the skate park

Nick and I also answered the questions this year, although we got interrupted (surprise, surprise!) before we could finish all of them.

Nick:

Favorite book of the year: Kisses From Katie

Favorite place you went this year: Creation

Something you learned this year: Finishing a sentence is overrated

Places you'd like to go next year: Creation and an indoor water park

Favorite Movie: The Blind Side

Me:

Favorite book of the year: Kisses From Katie

Favorite place you went this year: "Did I go anywhere this year?"

Favorite Movie: Buddy the Elf, because I slept through the others I tried to watch!

Favorite things you did this year: "Did I do anything this year?"

***********

Next, we popped popcorn, which no one ate, and watched Buddy the Elf. In spite of the fact that the kids have watched this movie at least 27 times in the past month, I'd never seen it. I actually watched the entire movie and stayed awake during it. Definitely a New Year's miracle...

Nate and E, who still weren't feeling well, fell asleep, so Nick, Jay, GracieGirl, and I welcomed in the New Year by stepping outside and shaking our homemade noisemakers.

It didn't work out as we'd planned, but we really had fun, and that's what's important.

Happy New Year!

*********************

A 2011 Miracle

2012-01-03T13:39:00.005-05:00

It finally happened.

On the very last banking day of 2011,
the IRS deposited our tax refund into our banking account.

After countless hours over the past eight months of Nick making calls, filling out forms, sending and resending and resending paperwork, reading notice after notice stating that the IRS would review our claim within the next 30-60 days, they finally gave us our refund!

Unbelievable.

While I'm very relieved and happy to have finally gotten it (with interest),
I still feel awful for all of the many adoptive families
that are still waiting.

***************************

Swedish Smörgåsbord

2011-12-29T19:03:00.007-05:00

Every year, my grandmother had a Swedish Smörgåsbord on Christmas Eve. I always loved it but it's not a tradition that I've continued.

Earlier in the month, on St. Lucia's day, a friend posted some pictures of her Lucia braided bread and table with Swedish food, linens, and decorations. Just seeing those pictures made me realize how much I miss the Swedish traditions.

So, I decided to have a Swedish Christmas dinner. It's far from authentic because we have fish allergies, and fish is a huge part of the typical Smörgåsbord. I only made a few of the dishes, and I liked making it so much that I plan to add to the menu next year.

I was pretty wiped out after cooking, and had no energy for presentation, but I asked Nick to take pictures just so that I'd remember what we'd made.

Left to right: Deviled eggs (barely visible), Knäckebröd,
Lingonberry Juice Concentrate, Ham, Lingonberry Jam,
Swedish Meatballs in front, Bean Casserole in back,
Swedish Creamed Potatoes, Rice Pudding, and Glögg.

Menu:

Eggnog, Dryck Bubbel Äpple & Lingon Sparkling Cider, Lingonberry Juice Concentrate mixed with Sparkling Water

Cheese: Harvarti with Dill, Smoked Gouda, Raw Cheddar (not authentic, but some of my favorites)

Swedish Knäckebröd Rye Crackers

Olives

Deviled Eggs

Ham

Swedish Meatballs

Bean Casserole

Swedish Creamed Potatoes

Risgrynsgröt (Rice Pudding)

Glögg

Coffee

Lingonberry Jam

Recipes:

Deviled Eggs with Dill

12 eggs, hard-boiled
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tsp rice wine vinegar
2 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tsp dill
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp sea salt

Slice eggs in half lengthwise; remove yolks and place whites on a platter.

In a small bowl, mash yolks well. Add mayonnaise, vinegar, mustard, dill, garlic powder, and sea salt. Mix thoroughly.

Place egg yolk mixture into a zip-lock bag, cut off one corner of the bag, and pipe mixture into egg whites.

Refrigerate.

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We bought a natural ham, and we cheated with the meatballs and got them from IKEA. We cooked them in IKEA's cream sauce and served them with Lingonberry Jam.

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Bean Casserole

1 large can red kidney beans
Bacon fat
4 slices bacon, cooked
1 lge onion, diced
4 Tbsp brown sugar
1 ½ Tbsp apple cider vinegar
Sea salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbsp butter

Place undrained beans in a casserole dish. Rinse can with a small amount of water and add.

Add a small amount of bacon fat.

Add remaining ingredients except for butter. Mix well.

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 ½ hours, stirring occasionally.

When done, let sit for a few hours to thicken.

Add butter before serving.

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Swedish Creamed Potatoes

6 large potatoes
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp rice flour
1 1/2 cups half and half
1 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 Tbsp dill

Boil whole, unpeeled potatoes in unsalted water until fork-tender. Remove, cool, and peel potatoes. Chop into 1" pieces.

In a saucepan over medium heat, melt butter, and then stir in flour to make a roux. Stir for a couple of minutes, but do not allow to brown. Whisk in half and half, salt, pepper, and dill; whisk constantly until incorporated and thickened, about 5 minutes. Fold in potatoes, turn heat to low, and cook just until warmed. Serves 6.

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Risgrynsgröt (Rice Pudding)

1 1/2 cups water
1 Tbsp butter
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 cup rice
4 cups milk
1/2 cup half and half
1 cinnamon stick
1 vanilla bean, sliced lengthwise, 3/4 of the way to the end
1 raisin
Lingonberry jam to serve

Place water, butter and sea salt into a large saucepan and bring to a rapid boil. Rinse the rice and add to the boiling water, stirring constantly.

Reduce the heat to low and continue stirring until the mixture is just simmering. Cover and simmer for 10-15 minutes, or until the rice has absorbed most of the water.

Add the milk and half and half, stirring until the mixture begins to boil. Add cinnamon stick and vanilla bean. Reduce heat to low and continue stirring until the mixture is just simmering. Cover and simmer, without stirring, for 45 minutes.

Stir in one raisin. Whoever gets the hidden raisin will have good luck in the following year, or will receive a small prize.

Serve with lingonberry jam.

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Glögg

1.5 liter bottle Cabernet Sauvignon
1.5 liter bottle port wine
750 ml bottle brandy
2 10-inch cinnamon sticks
2 vanilla pods, sliced lengthwise, 3/4 of the way to the end
1 tsp whole cardamom seeds
24 whole cloves
1 orange peel
1/2 cup raisins
2 cups sugar
1 orange peel for garnish

Pour Cabernet Sauvignon and port into a large stainless steel pot. Add cinnamon sticks, vanilla pods, cardamom seeds, whole cloves, orange peel, and raisins. Cover and simmer.

In a medium saucepan, mix sugar with half of the brandy. Heat on medium-low, stirring occasionally until all of the sugar is dissolved. Simmer for about 15 minutes until the little tiny bubbles become large burbles.

4) Add the sugar/brandy syrup to the spiced wine mix. Cover and simmer on low for an hour. Do not boil!

5) Taste, adding more sugar or brandy (1/4 cup at a time) to taste.

6) Just before serving, strain, returning raisins to mug, if desired. To serve, warm in a crockpot or gently in a saucepan on low heat. Serve it in a mug, garnished with a strip of fresh orange peel.

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No baking this year, but had I gotten to it, I would have made
Spritz and Pepparkokar cookies.

We didn't take the time to make this at all beautiful
(I just want to separate all of those
white foods with some color!),
but it sure tasted delicious!

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The Skate Park

2011-12-28T23:06:00.013-05:00

About a week ago, E started obsessing
about going to the skate park.
We spent the week telling him that
we would go on the day after Christmas.
He spent the week asking how many more days.

So, the day finally arrived for us to go to the skate park.

.

Nate loved every minute of it.

E and Jay managed to get up the ramp...

but E went down the ramps in his own unique way!

As did Jay.

They both preferred level ground to the ramps.

GracieGirl tried out her new pogo stick.

And so did E, with a little help.

In spite of a cut hand, a twisted ankle, and a dead battery,
they all had a great afternoon.

Except for E.

E decided that the skate park was for big kids,
and what he needed
was a skate park for little kids!

Welcome to this week's obsession:
"When can we go to a skate park for little kids??"

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Christmas in Pictures

2011-12-27T23:57:00.004-05:00

Christmas tree, put up and decorated by the kids.
It's crooked, there are bare spots,
and there are all sorts of crazy things hanging from its branches.
In my eyes, it's perfect.

Yearly picture on the stairs

Flying wrapping paper

Jay and Nate love their new hats.

GracieGirl has wanted this camera for two years!

E, sporting his best Spideyman face!

In awe of his new Spideyman...

Cutest present ever!

I said before that we were blessed, and the smiles in these pictures definitely illustrate that. In addition to many wonderful gifts for the children, we also received a stocking for each child, and a huge basket filled with a Christmas book and movie, popcorn, movie theater candy, and a case of drinks. We are so humbled and we're beyond thankful for everyone who helped our kiddos have an amazing Christmas!

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$7.00 for 7 Tickets!

2011-12-26T23:26:00.009-05:00

My friend, Chrissy and her family are adopting five children from Ethiopia, hopefully next spring.

I can't remember how I found Chrissy's blog, but she'd blogged about moving to Pennsylvania and how she was trying to navigate some really crazy roads, I think while trying to get her license. Even though she never said what part of PA she'd moved to, I could tell by her description of the roads exactly where she was!

I sent her a message, and I was right about the location. We emailed back and forth, and I discovered that her family had food restrictions like we do. She made some amazing allergy-friendly food and brought it to us.

When she arrived, she told me that her four children had never really been around brown kids before, and she hoped that they didn't stare or shy away. I appreciated her honesty, and there wasn't a problem. Young kids often don't even see color, and the kids all played really well together.

Fast forward a few years, and Chrissy moved away to Tennessee, and just last year, adopted three cute little kiddos from Ethiopia. This year, they learned about five siblings in Ethiopia, and they're in the process of adopting them!

They have a great idea for raising the airfare to pick up their sweet children. They need two round-trip fares for Chrissy and her husband, and five one-way tickets for the kids, to the tune of about $10,000. They're asking that people donate just $1.00 towards each ticket, or $7.00 for 7 Tickets. They're also asking people to share it with all of their friends by word of mouth, Twitter, Facebook, or their blog. Almost everyone can afford $7.00, and what a great feeling to be a part of five children getting what every child deserves: a family!

In Chrissy's words:

Just about everyone can spare $7,

and I believe that God will bless all of those 7's

and turn it into thousands to bring our kiddos home!

Click here to donate!

Chrissy and her family...so far!

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T09:36:00.010-05:00

One more day.

I've been trying to hold onto the reason for the season, but honestly, it's been a tough week. A tough few weeks, actually, but this last week has been unbelievable. I kept asking who put crazy pills in our water!

So many changes in routine and so much excitement and anticipation have brought out all sorts of lovely behaviors. E in particular has been a mess, and a big part of the reason I'm counting down the hours until Christmas is over with and we can return to our own crazy normal!

This was our conversation just a minute ago:

E, for the 832nd time: May I please open just one present??? Just a teeny, tiny one?

Me, for the 832nd time: I've told you that you may open one present later on today.

E: PLEASE??? For being a good boy? I was a good boy because Nate just tooted right next to me so I deserve to open a present! Please????

Definitely grounds for being entitled to open a present... :)

Here are a few other conversations that have taken place here at the Crazy House:

Me, this morning: So, I thought that tomorrow we could sleep until noon or so, then get up and do chores, and then maybe open presents later in the afternoon.

GracieGirl, after a pause: Oh, no! I've got plans!

Me: Oh, really? What are your plans?

GracieGirl: Well, first we're going to get up and sit at the top of the stairs. You and Daddy will go downstairs and get the cameras, and then we'll come down and open our presents, starting with the youngest. Then we will play with our new toys, and Daddy can go back upstairs and go to sleep, which will be his Christmas present. And you...well, you can do whatever you want to do!

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E: Yeah!! I get to open one present today!

Pause.

E, looking very sad: I think I know what I'm getting. Cold. I know I'm getting cold for Christmas. I'm getting cold because I've been so naughty, and I was really naughty yesterday (yep!).

Me: Well, you were naughty yesterday, but what about all of the times you've been good? What do you do when Mommy's sad?

E: I help you and I rub your back.

Me: Right! And that's being so, so good. And you pick up your clothes and put away your shoes and hang up your jacket. Those are all good things.

E: Yes...but I still think I'm getting cold.

Me: Honey, it's coal, not cold.

E: I know. I still think I'm getting cold for Christmas.

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Last night, I told the kids we'd had a change of plans and I was going to let each of them choose one thing they'd like to have for Christmas dinner.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The responses:

Nate: Ramen Noodles

Jay: Pizza

GracieGirl: I don't know (her standard answer to any question that involves decision-making).

E: Frosting!

How's that for a Christmas menu?

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In spite of the chaos, we're thankful and so blessed. I can't even say how many times I've been in tears, both happy and sad, during the past week.

I think I was somewhat numb last Christmas, because it's really hitting me hard as we approach the second Christmas without my mom. I miss her so much and there are so many memories, and I keep crying at the drop of a hat.

I've also cried tears of frustration and exhaustion in response to the craziness that's been going on here.

In addition, though, I've cried many tears of happiness and appreciation. As of last week, I hadn't done any planning or shopping for Christmas. Since then, we've had such an outpouring of help and generosity from friends, church, and the community that I can barely take it all in. We are humbled, so thankful, and so blessed.

My prayer is that we can keep things relatively calm
tonight and tomorrow, and focus on the birth of Jesus.

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Christmas Eve Eve

2011-12-23T23:25:00.006-05:00

The plan: The family was going to church at 6:00 PM.

The reality:

1. E said he couldn't go because he's not going to church or school anymore; he's only going to Giant and Walmart. Nowhere else.

The truth is that he's paranoid because they had a fun (for most kids) Christmas event last week, with indoor ice skating and snowball fights, but they also had the dreaded costumes (people dressed up as snowmen, etc.), and E freaked out. Big time. Ask anyone within a three-mile radius.

So now he's too scared to go to church. I'm not sure how school ties in to the scenario, but in his mind it obviously does.

2. Nate got upset because Nick said that he had to get dressed up. Nick asked if Nathan had a suit, and I just looked at him. None of our boys have suits, and the older boys don't even own a pair of dress pants! So, they settled on black jeans and a shirt, but Nate was sulking.

3. Jay was all out of sorts because he'd gone to his friend's house and fallen in the mud and his shoes were covered with mud. Nick said that he'd see if we had another pair but Jay was a mess and obviously just needed to be in his own space, away from people. At the last minute, literally the minute they had to walk out the door, he decided that he did want to go, and asked Nick if he'd found any shoes for him!

4. GracieGirl was dressed in her Christmas dress and ready to go, with a smile on her face, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around her. Sigh...

5. E was melting down, so Nate happily volunteered to stay home and help me with him (which says a lot since he's the one who always insists on going to church!). As Nick, Jordan (in old clothes and shoes), and Jadyn were walking out the door, E decided that he wanted to go. He became hysterical, frantically searching for his jacket.

6. Nick told E that he had to stay home, and he left. Oh, and this was for the 7:30 service; this craziness had been going on since 5:00, when we were first getting ready to go to the 6:00 service!

7. They drove away and E raged. The good news is that, somehow, he didn't break the window, and the Christmas tree is still standing. I was sure it was going down. Everything else within his reach went flying, and he finally wore himself out. I was hoping that he'd sleep, but he got up and spent the rest of the night obsessing about anything and everything.

Not exactly the experience I'd hoped for, but half of the family got to church and loved it. And we have a picture of a third of the family to prove it!

In Our Kitchen This Week

2011-12-17T14:31:00.013-05:00

I've been sick for a couple of weeks, and today, I just can't seem to get warm! Nick made some amazing vegetable soup for me, and I keep drinking it and cupping my hands around the toasty bowl. It's the best soup, but of course he didn't write down the recipe! It's a vegetable broth/miso base, which is my favorite.

I have to laugh because I remember teasing my sister when we were in high school and I first saw her eating miso. Most of the time, I can't remember what I did or said an hour ago, but I clearly remember sitting at the table and saying, "Miso?? As in 'me so' sorry I ever bought this junk??"

Today, I'm eating my words and my miso, which adds such a great richness to soups.

Nick added finely chopped onion, garlic, carrots, zucchini, and broccoli, as well as green beans and corn. We usually pour a little bit of our homemade soups into the Vitamix, and then add the blended soup back to the soup pot, making the soup a little thicker. I'm not sure what he used to season it, but there's definitely smoked sea salt and some ginger in there.

He's been putting ginger in everything because I told him that it has anti-inflammatory properties and can help with the pain and inflammation of arthritis.

My other staple has been ginger tea. Boil some water, add some grated fresh ginger, freshly squeezed lemon juice, and raw honey. Just experiment and see what quantities taste good to you. I use tons of ginger; the more the better! It feels so healing, and I can't get enough of it.

I'm slowly starting to get my sense of smell back, so I put some citrus spice potpourri on the stove to simmer. It smells wonderful! I filled a small pan with water, and added:

10 whole cloves
1 whole nutmeg
2 cinnamon sticks, broken in half
6 satsuma peels

Any orange peels could be used, of course; I was just given a huge box of organic satsumas from my friend who knows what I love!

Another thing I do with satsuma and orange peels is make orange vinegar. All I do is pack the peels into a large mason jar and fill the jar with white vinegar. I keep it in a dark cabinet and give it a little shake when I think of it. After it's turned a nice orange color, I strain it into a spray bottle. I keep it by the kitchen sink and use it for cleaning the counter tops. It also works great in the bathroom. Just don't use it on mirrors or windows; plain vinegar is better for those jobs.

Nick has been making the most delicious applesauce and Esauce. What is Esauce? It's the result of E, who loves applesauce, saying that he wanted his applesauce to be purple! So, Nick, being the accommodating dad, added blueberries to the applesauce, creating Esauce!

The regular applesauce is beautiful, too, because the apples we're using make it a deep pink color. He doesn't add any sweetener at all, and one person said that it tasted like apple pie! I've never had unsweetened applesauce that tasted so sweet. It's delicious warm or cold!

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Celebrity Girl

2011-12-10T23:58:00.018-05:00

Nick took the kids to the annual Tree Lighting,
while I stayed at home with the cold that won't die.
Santa made a visit, and GracieGirl's
picture with him was in the paper today!

As a school project, GracieGirl brought Curious George
home for the weekend. She was so excited about it,
counting down the days until he came home!
She's taking him everywhere she goes this weekend,
and then documenting their adventures in a class book.
It will be fun to add the newspaper picture to the book!

This is the only picture we have since she lost
her first upper front tooth. Actually, both front teeth
were loosened when her mouth collided with a soccer ball
while playing Extreme Soccer on the trampoline.
She was determined to get that tooth out!
She ate apples, which worked last time,
and finally just reached in and pulled it out!
Afterwards, I asked if I could take a picture of her,
and she said, "No, thank you."
What could I say? :)

E and Jay also had their picture taken with Santa. At first,
I wasn't sure we were going to get E there. He was adamant
about not going. He refused to go to the Christmas Parade
last week, because of his abnormal fear of Smokey the Bear.
I had to work hard to convince him that Smokey the Bear
would definitely not be at the Tree Lighting! I'm not sure
why Smokey's so scary and Santa's okay,
but E is far from predictable!

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Going Gluten-free...Again!

2011-12-03T11:13:00.011-05:00

GracieGirl and E went bowling on a school field trip yesterday. Before they left, the school secretary called me to see if it was okay for E to have a soft pretzel. Well, when they got home, GracieGirl lifted her shirt, saying, "Look what happened after *I* ate the soft pretzel!"

Her tummy was covered with itchy, red bumps! I gave her some B-dryl, and before long, the bumps were gone.

I'm spending the day today making lots of gluten-free foods for her. Since timing is everything, I'll add that just last week, we went through our huge tote full of different GF flours and threw away at least 50 pounds of flour after discovering lovely weevils in them! I thought that they would be safe in zip-locks inside of the tote, but apparently not. Ugh.

Nick got new flour yesterday and I'm ready to start cooking. GracieGirl isn't too happy about this, and she already has food issues, but I'm going to do my best to have a lot of options for her so she doesn't feel deprived in the beginning.

Also, when we got E his Allerbling allergy alert bracelet, it came with two bracelets. Since E isn't allergic to wheat, we gave the extra bracelet with the wheat charm to GracieGirl.

Let the fun begin! :)

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Adventures in Cookie-Making

2011-12-02T13:10:00.002-05:00

I continue to hang on to Normal Rockwell imagines, especially when it comes to the holidays. One would think that I would have given up on that years ago.

We decided to make Christmas cookies. Roll-out cookies, to be precise. I pictured candles burning, Christmas music playing, the family gathered around the table, laughing and making cookies together.

It was originally Jay's idea to make cookies, and he'd searched online for a recipe. He found one and printed it out, and was later devastated to learn that it was a regular sugar cookies recipe, not a roll-out recipe. (Totally not his fault; the recipe pictured roll-out cookies!)

Meltdown #1.

That was a couple of days ago. We made them anyway, with the promise that we'd also make roll-out cookies.

It took me two days (recovering from making the first batch) to make the roll-out cookies. Jay and I made the recipe, and then we all sat down to roll out the cookies. Within minutes, I noticed that GracieGirl became agitated. Then, she started flipping out, scratching at her arms, crying because they itched so badly. It was driving her crazy, and we quickly gave her medicine and took her upstairs for a bath.

As a baby, GracieGirl couldn't handle gluten. She didn't have gluten for several years, and then we reintroduced wheat. It wasn't a conscious effort, really, more just laziness on my part. She seemed to do fine with it, but slowly started having some symptoms again. The allergist was sure that she had Celiac Disease, and he ordered a blood test. He was very surprised when she tested negative.

In the past week, she's had some symptoms again, although we hadn't associated them with gluten. One day, she came in with a huge hive on her face. I gave her medicine and it went away. The same thing happened the following day, again, just one hive. Another time, she started crying because she said that she itched all over. Again, we gave her medicine and a bath, and she seemed to be okay. The backs of both of her legs are covered with eczema, which comes and goes but is currently back with a vengeance. She's also had a lot of GI issues.

This latest incident just kind of firmed up that it must be the wheat. She was fine until she started rolling out the cookies, using wheat flour to roll them out.

She's feeling better now. I made some Monkey Munch for her, so she wasn't too sad about not having the Christmas cookies.

Time to go pull out my GF cookies recipes!

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Thankful Thursday - My Family

2011-12-01T01:04:00.000-05:00

Thankful for warm, sunny Thanksgiving weather last week.

Thankful for sweet GracieGirl,
who is finally without her cast!

Thankful for little E who's happy to play at the park.

Thankful for Jay, who loves tether-ball.

Thankful for Nate, who skipped the park
so that he could ride his scooter, and then
came in and hung out with the adults!

The only picture I had of Nick was him
sound asleep on the couch after a
Thanksgiving feast. I'm always
thankful for him and all that he
does for us, and I'm thankful that
he got a brief rest!

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Karate Party

2011-11-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

GracieGirl was invited to a friend's karate birthday party.
Her friend asked if E could come, too, and he was thrilled!
Even though GracieGirl just got her cast off,
she did really well, and both kids had a great time!

The Ultimate in Silverware Drying

2011-11-27T16:19:00.006-05:00

There's a reason that I keep the camera on hand at all times. If I put it away, I miss too many golden moments.

I have a nightly routine. Okay, I don't really have a routine. But, my goal is to run the dishwasher after dinner, forgo the drying cycle, and open the door before I go to bed, letting the dishes air-dry overnight.

I succeeded in doing that last night, only to have a certain someone (yes, it was E) turn on the dishwasher this morning, getting all of my nice dry dishes wet again.

So, I told Nick that the silverware was in the dishwasher, but that it was wet, so he'd need to dry it.

I realize that in most normal households, that would mean getting a dish towel and wiping them off.

Not here.

I never claimed that anything about this household is normal, so this is how Nick dried the silverware:

It's a heat gun. For stripping paint. And apparently drying silverware. Makes perfect sense to me.

I'm honestly surprised that he didn't melt the silverware basket!

P.S. Sometime, I'll have to share the story about the time he bought a HUGE amount of ground turkey from a turkey farm, and used a hacksaw (with a new blade) to cut it up into manageable portions! Sure wish I'd had my camera on hand then!

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Handmade for the Holidays

2011-11-26T15:30:00.021-05:00

I just read a post by my friend, Michele, showing some adorable handmade purses she got for her daughters. She mentioned considering handmade for the holidays, an idea that I love. I wish I had the time and talent to make my own gifts, but I like to support those who do.

Here are some friends' shops/products that I love:

Dana has been an online friend for years, and I love, love, love the Waldorf Dolls and doll clothes that she sells at her shop, Folky Dots. I haven't yet be fortunate enough to own any of Dana's dolls but I can tell that her work is amazing.

The jewelry at Day Dream Designs is made by my sister, Suzanne. Suzanne's jewelry makes me wish I had pierced ears, but I also love her necklaces. Suzanne is a perfectionist and that shows in her design and workmanship.

I'm blessed to own one of my friend, Bevy's, gorgeous bags, which she offers at A Bevy of Old and New. Her attention to detail is amazing and believe me when I say that her purses are even more beautiful in real life than they are in the pictures.

My friend, Kiara, makes wonderful body/hair butters and chapstick, which she sells on her blog. Kiara uses quality, soothing ingredients, and best of all, the proceeds go towards their adoption fund! Kiara also has an excellent post, with many resources on gift-giving with purpose, that can be read here.

Marci just brought home her second little one from Uganda, and she sells beautiful handmade Ugandan necklaces and bracelets, which you can see here.

Staci is another friend who creates amazing jewelry, mostly from sea glass, which can be seen at her shop, stacilouise. Staci's designs are unique and amazing.

I love the beautiful Ugandan Bead Necklaces that are offered at 147 Million Orphans. These necklaces are purchased by 147 Million Orphans, providing income for the Ugandan women who make them. In addition, 147 Million Orphans then donates 50% of profits to Amazima Ministries to be used for Katie Davis' feeding program in Uganda!

Ugandan Bean Necklaces may also be purchased from Amazima Ministries. Read more about the necklaces, Amazima, and Katie Davis here.

We also sell some handmade items. Possum Hollow Farm Soap is made by a local family and we love it and can't imagine ever using commercially made soap. Their soap moisturizes and nourishes the skin, rather than irritating it with harsh chemicals and artificial ingredients and fragrances.

We recently started carrying handmade cedar soap dishes that are made by a man in Texas. His workmanship is beautiful and we hope to carry other products made by him in the near future. His soap dishes can be seen here, at the bottom of our soap page.

We offer another handmade product that I love, Oria's O'shay, an awesome salve made by a local woman. I am so hooked on this salve that I keep containers of it throughout the house. It smells amazing, and I'm super particular about smells. It's so moisturizing on our skin and in the kids' hair.

I have to mention two more products made by friends, even though I haven't yet tried them:

Chrissie makes Babycakes butter that sounds amazing, with scrumptious ingredients. Chrissie has four kids by birth and three adopted from Ethiopia last year. Now, she and her husband are adopting five more children from Ethiopia!

Janette, who also recently adopted, makes a healing balm that sounds wonderful. She offers it at her shop, Florida Girl Balm.

I'd love to hear about other people's favorite handmade items!

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A Huge Confession

2011-11-25T10:55:00.020-05:00

This goes against all of the rules. I'm not supposed to talk about this but I can't keep it inside.

I was up until 3:30 this morning, working on the computer. Nick had gone to bed just a little while earlier, so when I went up, I didn't turn the lights. I have my bedtime routine, which I can do in the dark.

I sat down and reached over on the table for my cream. There was something different on the table. At first, I thought it might be a gift from Nick. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out a vague form. I had my suspicions, but it didn't seem possible. I quickly reached over and turned on the light.

And this is what I saw, just inches from my face:

Like most families, we have our holiday traditions, some of which may be just a little bit unique. We like to laugh and I guess we're easily amused. This particular tradition started many years ago. Because of my pathetic memory, I can't relay all of the details. All I know is that this seriously creepy, ugly statue has been following our family for over 10 years now. I believe it first showed up one Christmas at a White Elephant Gift Exchange. One of my sisters was stuck with it, and later on, she secretly slipped it to another of my sisters.

And so the tradition began.

This statue has been buried in one of our gardens and nailed, upside-down, to the ceiling above the basement stairs in our old house (thus the broken foot). He's been slipped into car trunks and stuffed into luggage. One time, I opened my washing machine to find his adorable face looking up at me from inside!

He has been known to disappear for a year or so, only to unexpectedly appear at one of our houses. Sometimes, we question each other in an attempt to find out who has the statue, recalling stories of where he was last spotted, but we all deny having him in our possession.

So, it's a huge infraction of the rules for me to admit that I have him. Of course, I'm not sure if any of my family members read my blog. If they do, I say touché to whomever slipped him into my bed, which is where Nick discovered him when he pulled back the covers early this morning. He thought that I was the responsible party, which is why he left him on my table.

I, for once, am completely innocent!

Since we were at my parents' house yesterday, which is 45 minutes away, no one there could have driven him up here. One of my sisters was sick, so she's a prime suspect, except that she lives near my dad, and Nick and the kids dropped off a meal for her. Of course, she could have driven all the way up here after getting her meal. She did say that she overdid it yesterday afternoon.

Hmm...

The other suspects, sadly, are my kids. They have not previously been involved but I suspect that one of my sisters may have bribed one of them to put him in our bed. I wonder which one of my sisters would stoop so low to encourage my sweet, innocent, darling little children to betray their parents. I also wonder about the price of the bribery; it must have been good!!!

Since two can play at that game, I will now bribe my children with something even better, in an attempt to discover the culprit! I have my ways... ;)

And then, I plot my revenge.

Where will this grotesque little guy show up next?

Statue at the Spa

Thankful, Thankful

2011-11-24T09:01:00.005-05:00

I heard GracieGirl's little footsteps
coming down the stairs this morning.

E greeted her with a hug and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving.

Then he asked her if she'd like a piece of his muffin.

GracieGirl said no thank you, in her squeaky little sleepy voice.

They hugged again, and she added, "But thank you for offering."

I'm very thankful this morning!

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
His love endures forever.
~Psalm 118:1~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay's Honesty

2011-11-18T21:28:00.004-05:00

You probably have to know Jay to appreciate this but he says it as he sees it. Like the time I told him I was nearing the end of my rope and he very sincerely asked why I didn't just buy more rope!

So, tonight he was telling me a story about his friend's grandmother.

Jay: "You know, she's getting kind of old and she's a bit forgetful..."

Me: "Oh, you mean like me?"

Jay: "Oh no! She's not nearly that bad!"

And he continued on with his story, completely oblivious to the fact that I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

I hope he never changes.

********************

I quit! Again.

2011-11-16T22:21:00.003-05:00

After an entire year of being off of coffee, I had "just one cup." That was on September 1st.

I was on my way to the Catskills with my sister and three youngest kids. I rarely drive, and I was a little bit uncomfortable with driving so far, just because of sleep deprivation. Sure enough, a few hours into the drive, I could barely keep my eyes open. I knew that there was a Starbucks at the next rest stop, and I made the decision to stop.

I stood in line, taking in the aroma. Jay was next to me, and after I placed my order, he immediately said to the cashier, "This is her first cup of coffee in a whole year! Is there any sort of a discount for that?"

He cracks me up sometimes. He can be so quiet and removed...and then he comes out with something like that.

The cashier wasn't nearly as amused as I was, but that's okay.

After two failed attempts (a sign, perhaps?), they got my latte right. I savored every last sip of it. The caffeine hit hard and I was wide awake for the rest of the drive.

Since I'd had a cup, and since I was on a little vacation, I figured I'd have another cup up at the mountains. Make that several cups...

It poured on the way home and I thought that another cup was in order, just to keep me alert during the treacherous driving conditions.

When I got home, I justified the coffee because I was so tired. Really, how was I supposed to function without caffeine on so little sleep? (I completely ignored the fact that I'd done it for the past year!)

Then our coffee grinder broke. Another sign??

I ignored the signs and kept on drinking, and it wasn't long before I was completely hooked. I tried to quit, and the killer headaches led me right back to the coffee. Finally, two months after that initial single cup, I've completely weaned myself off of it.

Why do I have to love something that doesn't love me?? I love the smell, the feel of a warm mug, and the taste of good coffee. I just don't love the jitters and the way it tears up my stomach. Most of all, I don't like being addicted to it, or anything else.

Nick has been making a hot ginger drink for me, which I love. It doesn't do the same thing as coffee, but it's still really good. Maybe I can convince myself that it really does do the same thing for me as coffee, and maybe I'll stay off of coffee for good this time.

We shall see.

P.S. I actually wrote this yesterday...and I've been dying for a cup of coffee ever since!!!

********************************

Just a Little Vent...

2011-11-14T23:58:00.001-05:00

Our phone rang early this morning. The school was without power, so there was no school for GracieGirl or E. To say that GracieGirl didn't take it well is a huge understatement. She sobbed her little heart out and then curled up in a ball with her Panda and sucked her thumb. I held her for a bit, and E came over and stroked her hair and rubbed her back. (That has absolutely nothing to do with my story except that I almost fell over when he was spontaneously so sweet to her!!)

Two minutes later, the phone rang again. It was the school district.

Now, someone from the school district had called on Friday at 3:54 PM, saying that she was leaving for the day at 4:00 PM, but she asked that I call her back because they needed to verify where GracieGirl goes to school.

GracieGirl goes to a private school, but she is uses the school district's buses to get to and from school. So, I thought it was a bit strange that, in November, they needed to verify where she attends school!

Anyway...it was the nice lady who called on Friday, and the abrupt lady, as I call her (having dealt with her before) who called yesterday. She asked if GracieGirl attends a cyber school. I said no, and told her where she attends.

She informed me that they have her down as attending a cyber school, so the school district has been paying the cyber school since September.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked.

"No," she said, seriously, "I am not."

She proceeded to inform me that she had canceled GracieGirl's bus service.

Now, let me get this straight. This bus has been picking up my daughter since September and taking her to the same little school, and bringing her home from school every single school day...and they canceled her bus because they have her listed as attending a cyber school???

All I can say is thank God she didn't have school today because she would have been waiting for a bus that never would have shown up!

Um, and why couldn't they have told me that on Friday??

Abrupt Lady again told me that the school district has been paying for a school that my daughter isn't attending, and somewhere along the line, I repeated, "Are you kidding me?????" (I blame The Former Blogger, Michelle for that.) Abrupt Lady apparently doesn't enjoy kidding because she irately said, "I said that I wasn't kidding!!!"

I must be growing up because I didn't laugh out loud. (I waited until I hung up.)

So...I, unshowered, with a despondent child, and an IEP Meeting scheduled at our house in half an hour (with a new case worker so I had to make the house look somewhat presentable), had to take the time to fax a letter to the school district, stating that my daughter is not attending a cyber school and has never been enrolled in a cyber school (she's in kindergarten, for heaven's sake!).

I followed up with a phone call and was assured by the nice lady that my fax had been received and that the bus service will be resumed in the morning.

I sure hope so because missing the bus runs a very close second to missing school in GracieGirl's book, and I certainly don't want a repeat of this morning's meltdown! :)

UPDATE: The bus showed up this morning. The driver, who apparently has had a lot of experience with the school district, said that she would have stopped yesterday for GracieGirl, even if she'd been told not to pick her up!

*************************************

E Update

2011-11-14T11:28:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated about E in awhile. Overall, he's improving. The meds are doing their job. I just have to work on accepting them. I know that he needs them; I know that his quality of life, not to mention ours, is awful without them. Still, I'm often hit with the feeling that if I just did more, he wouldn't need them. If I could figure out a new parenting strategy, or if I was just a better mom, he could do without them. I know that isn't the truth...but I still feel that way sometimes.

Another very noticeable effect of his medication is his weight gain. He's gotten quite pudgy and it concerns me. Like Jay, he put on a lot of weight in a very short period of time. His new psychiatrist is concerned, too, and made some dosage changes. We'll see if the weight gain tapers off.

We're also working on different dosages because he gets sleepy and sometimes falls asleep in the afternoons at school. Aside from that, E is doing really well at school. He loves going, and thrives in the structure of his small classrooms. He has a PCA or a Behavior Therapist with him most days.

E has been more cooperative at home, too. He still has a PCA who comes three afternoons a week, and she does a great job with him. We keep asking her to move in, but so far, she hasn't agreed! :)

Most of the problems still occur in the morning and evening. His sleep continues to be poor and he wakes up and starts right in. We just never know what the topic of the morning will be. This morning, he woke up crying because he wanted the birthday card that he'd made and given to his cousin yesterday! He cried and cried, saying that he meant to just show it to her and then bring it home again!

A few weeks ago, he woke up obsessing about the Advent Calendar. He needed it because he had to count down the days to Christmas! It didn't matter to him that it was October. Later that day, we gave in, and we've had our Advent Calendar hanging in our dining room ever since. Whatever. We pick our battles! :)

E got it into his head one day that he really wanted a green soccer shirt. Nick told him that he could earn one by being good for three days. In retrospect, I don't think this particular strategy works for E. For one thing, he's not capable of it. Three days is a long time for a little guy who struggles with behavioral issues every minute. Also, it causes him to obsess about it. He's woken up several mornings by sitting up in bed and yelling, "One more day!" or "Today's the day!" When Nick reminds him that it's actually two more days, or that he lost a day because he misbehaved, he starts screaming and crying because he can't wait so long.

Not really a great way to start the day...

E's IEP states that he has to have transportation to and from school. Because he's only five, the school district refused to put him on the little bus that picks up GracieGirl and a few of her classmates. So, he now has a personal driver from a transportation service, who drives 45 minutes to pick up E in a luxury sedan and drive him one mile to school! Crazy! :)

There have been some new challenges, some of which are frustrating, but one thing I've noticed that, if it's even possible, my love for this little guy has grown immensely. I won't lie; he frustrates me to the point of wanting to rip my hair out some days (okay, most days!), but I am so crazy about him. It's hard to explain but I just love him to pieces. Of course, I made the mistake of telling him that, and he looked very worried and asked, "What does that mean?" I never even thought about what "loving someone to pieces" means but quickly realized that it's really not a great thing to say to him. So, I told him that I love him "this much" while spreading my arms as far apart as possible. I got a huge smile in return.

**********************************

One Topic? I Don't Think So!

2011-11-13T22:42:00.004-05:00

I recently read that in order to get a lot of readers to your blog, you should focus on one topic and not be all over the place in your writing. I guess I'm doing things all wrong!

Of course, I don't blog to get lots of readers. I blog to keep my brain from exploding and to keep a record of what we're doing as a family because my memory is shot. If I can help someone who may be going through similar issues, I'm happy.

As far as writing about one topic, how could I? My life is filled with so many topics; I could never choose just one. While I love writing about adoption and related issues, I can't focus solely on them because my attention is brought to whichever issue is prominent at that moment.

When Jay's eczema flares, I'm researching that.

Then I move on to asthma when E has an asthma flare.

Allergies come to the forefront when I read about some new treatment, E develops hives again for no apparent reason, or all four kids are in agony with burning eyes and other symptoms.

Homeschooling takes first place when something isn't working and I need to research different curriculum options.

Then I move on to various special needs and learning disabilities, researching learning styles, diet, and medications.

When side effects surface from meds, I research them, along with other medication options, drug interactions, plus therapeutic parenting and various special diets.

I search for recipes that work for us with our food allergies, then jump to learning more about sleep disorders, depression and anxiety, ADHD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, attachment disorders, bipolar disorder, and autism.

I've worked with allergists, dermatologists, endocrinologists, psychiatrists, developmental doctors, geneticists, gastroenterologists, otolaryngologists, chiropractors, sleep specialists, and primary docs, not to mention naturopaths, audiologists, speech pathologists, and occupational therapists.

Currently, I'm also working with three psychologists, two behavior therapists, one mobile therapist, three personal care assistants, four case managers, a tutor, and two special transportation services.

Then I fill out paperwork for IEPs, grants, disabilities, social skills program, camps, and other services.

When I can no longer ignore my symptoms, I continue researching lymphedema treatment options, grants for my medical care, arthritis treatments, neuralgia, sleep apnea, insomnia, and any other information I might find to help figure out my declining health.

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm the one with ADHD because I'm all over the place! I realize now that I don't have it; I just have a lot of different things to think about that require that I jump all over the place!

So, my blog will continue to cover everything that we're dealing with as a family. It may be scattered and hard to keep track of, but it's our crazy life, and that's what I want to remember and share!

*****************************

Christmas

2011-11-12T23:49:00.003-05:00

I just shared this with a friend but wanted to write about it here, too, because I don't want to forget it.

Last week, some neighborhood kids were over here playing, and one girl was jumping up and down, clapping her hands, and repeating, "I'm getting an iPad for Christmas!"

I asked her why she knew what she was getting, adding that I thought that Christmas presents were supposed to be surprises. She ignored my question, and still jumping, said, "If I don't get an iPad, I'm going to get an iPod Touch or and iPhone!"

GracieGirl took it all in but didn't say a word.

I fully expected her to start asking for an iPad for Christmas.

Several days later, the same girl was over here playing, and I heard GracieGirl say, "I can't wait for Christmas...because we get to celebrate Jesus' birthday!"

My smile couldn't have been bigger.

My prayer is that she holds on to that truth
and doesn't listen to the world.
I know we have our work cut out for us.

******************************

Chaos Never Dies Day!

2011-11-09T11:18:00.004-05:00

Today is a special day that's near and dear to my heart:

Chaos Never Dies Day

To understand what the day entails, I'd invite you to simply stop by our house for a few hours (or minutes). Some recent examples of the chaos you might witness here would be:

E crazily slapping Jay with a piece of pizza

Nate tearing up the house, in search of E's goggles after E claimed that he couldn't sleep unless he was wearing his goggles and bathing suit

Jay checking off Phys Ed and Science after making orange juice, giving a lengthy explanation about how squeezing the oranges counted as hand exercises and observing how the juice was extracted was science

GracieGirl flinging herself to the floor, sobbing her eyes out, upon hearing the devastating news that there were no more pancakes

There's also the never-ending noise and movement in the house created by E running and screaming, GracieGirl playing soccer and dancing, Jay twirling and spinning, and Nate riding his scooter with screamo music playing.

Add in the doorbell and phones ringing, computers and printers beeping, washer, dryer, and timers buzzing, iPods dinging...and it's no wonder my head is spinning!

Alternately, you can sit in your quiet, peaceful home and read about it at Holiday Insights:

Chaos Never Dies Day

When : Always November 9th

Chaos Never Dies Day recognizes the turmoil in modern, everyday life. Are things a little crazy at home? Is school a little on the wild side? Is your work place hectic and disorderly? We thought so.

Just when things seem to calm down at work and home, along comes something to disrupt your life. Yes, disorder is everywhere. Hectic schedules, changes to plans, unexpected tasks and chores, the list goes on and on and on.......

Today is designed for you. It's a day to recognize the chaos in your life. You can best celebrate this day, by recognizing that chaos never dies. Rather, its a way of life. You can partake in this special day, by putting just a little order back into your life. You can start, by picking one thing that is really disrupting your life, and change it...for the good.

On the bright side: If you think your life is chaotic today, just wait until the holiday season!

We hope you have a calm and serene Chaos Never Dies Day!!!

Origin of Chaos Never Dies Day:

This day is well recognized on Internet calendar and Ecard sites. Online and offline, we found no documentation about the creation of this day. Most likely, the creator's life was so chaotic, that he failed to document it.

*********************************

Wordless Wednesday: Brothers

2011-11-09T11:15:00.001-05:00

Orphan Sunday

2011-11-06T09:59:00.006-05:00

Today is Orphan Sunday.

What can I do to help a child today?

What can you do?

***********

These statistics from the following video floored me:

It is estimated that it would cost $13 billion
to provide basic nutrition
for every starving person in the world.

Per year, Christians in the US spend about:

$3 billion on bottled water,

$4 billion on cosmetics,

$7 billion on sporting events,

$11 billion on coffee,

$13 billion on our pets,

$13 billion on diet programs,

$17 billion on golfing and boating,

$20 billion on soft drinks,

$21 billion on cable TV,

$76 billion on home renovations,

and $105 billion on eating out.

Father's Day and Sesame Place!

2011-11-05T23:29:00.003-04:00

GracieGirl and E's school had Father's Day today,
so Nick went in first thing in the morning,
and spent time in both of their classrooms.
E adamantly refused to have his picture taken,
so we only have a picture of Nick with GracieGirl.

Immediately afterwards, they left, with E's PCA,
for their annual fall trip to Sesame Place with Variety Club.
Nate and Jay are really too old for Sesame Place,
so they stayed home with me.
Sesame Place was so crowded,
which made me so glad that I stayed home!
These are just cell phone pics, so the quality is bad,
but I thought they were cute.

Just Another Day with Vanilla Beans, an Exercise Bike, and a Leather Jacket

2011-11-04T23:47:00.008-04:00

Anyone who drove past our house a couple of weeks ago might have asked why there was a girl riding an exercise bike with a fan in our driveway in front of a leather jacket.

Yes, there is an explanation.

Trust me, it's a long one,
complete with detours.

My in-laws were here for a few days. Nick and Jay went out to run a couple of errands, leaving me, my in-laws, and 35 pounds of vanilla beans at the dining room table.

Why 35 pounds of vanilla beans? It's really very simple. Nick did a computer job for someone and bartered for them. Everyone does that, right? I had no clue just how many vanilla beans are in 35 pounds! We spent a long time sorting and storing some of the beans, and cutting others to make vanilla extract and vanilla sugar.

Nick and Jay took some things to drop off at the thrift shop. I messed up because it was Half-Price Friday, and I never, ever send Nick to the thrift shop on Half-Price Friday! I do my best to never, ever even let him know exactly which Friday is Half-Price Friday. But, I forgot this time, so Nick and Jay went in, and Nick was thrilled to find such treasures as a case of mason jars, a soccer ball for GracieGirl (because 12 are never enough), and a silicone pot grabber (who knew they even existed??) which he wanted to use to prevent burns on his hands while making popcorn balls!

So, Shopper Nick, all giddy with excitement, went to check out. The only problem was, the line was so long that he couldn't even find the end of it. Meanwhile, Jay, with his many sensory issues, had fled the store and was standing outside, looking in, slowly and rhythmically pounding his forehead against the storefront window.

Nick knew, in that moment, that his purchases were not to be. So, he did what any good ~~compulsive~~ shopper would do; he tucked them away so that they'd be there when he returned.

After finally coming home and rescuing me from the seemingly never-ending pile of beans, he returned to the thrift shop, this time with his mom, from whom he inherited his affinity for shopping. I figured it couldn't be too bad because he knew exactly where his things were, so he could just pick them up and come home.

Who was I kidding?

Nick grabbed his items, plus a few more, except the mason jars, which were gone. Then he bumped into an old friend, and started talking to him. He glanced over to see his mom riding an exercise bike with a fan on the front of it.

The store was closing, so he told his mom that they had to go.

She said that she was buying the exercise bike.

He said that she couldn't because his dad would hit the roof.

She said that she didn't care;
the bike was 50 cents, and she was buying it.

She instructed him not to say anything to his dad;
she would handle it.

So, they got home and quickly stashed the bike in the back of their car. Nick relayed the story to me, with strict instructions not to breathe a word! Well, word somehow got out, and my father-in-law was not happy, especially since they were leaving the following morning to empty out the contents of a storage closet, which would fill the car. There was no way there was room for the exercise bike with the fan.

I came downstairs to overhear Nick and his mom talking.

Nick: "I'm not asking her. You got yourself into this. You ask her!"

MIL: "Okay, I'll ask her. Where is she?"

Nick pointed as I entered the room, before turning and fleeing.

My MIL explained that she'd messed up by buying the exercise bike with a fan, forgetting that there wouldn't be room for it in their car. She asked if she could please store it at our house, just for a week or so. She'd figure out some way to get it within the week.

I told her that was no problem.

A few minutes later, Nick stuck his head in the door, expecting the worst. He asked how it went, and his mom said that it went just fine. Nick rushed over to me, asking why on earth I was okay with that when I constantly give him a hard time about all of the clutter in this house!

I just laughed.

My in-laws left early the next morning, and a while later, Jay walked by, carrying the soaking wet leather jacket that he'd left out in the pouring rain for two days. I told him, again, that the jacket was probably ruined but that it just needed to dry.

He informed me that he had the perfect solution. He was going to put it in front of the exercise bike with the fan and use the fan to dry his jacket!

Me: "Wait a minute! Exactly where is the exercise bike with the fan???"

Jay: "It's out in the driveway!"

Me: "Are you kidding me??? What's it doing in the driveway?"

Jay: "It's sitting out there. All of the neighborhood kids are over riding it!"

Me: "You need to be careful. The fan is really dangerous."

Jay: "Mom, I'm not going to stick my finger in the fan!"

Me: "It's not you I'm worried about!"

E, who had been standing nearby, got that special little gleam in his eye, and rushed out the door, undoubtedly to try to stick his finger in the fan because that's just the kind of boy he is. :)

Jay went on to explain that he'd rigged something. Then he grabbed his camera, and came back to show me the evidence. Sure enough, he'd pulled all of the boxes out of the recycling, and somehow supported a broom in the middle of them, to which he attached the hangar and his jacket. GracieGirl peddled like mad, attempting to create enough wind to dry the jacket!

I just love Jay's ingenuity.
I can't wait to see what he does with it in his life.

*************************************

Blog Awards!

2011-11-02T09:03:00.025-04:00

I was recently given two different blog awards by three different people.

Sharla at The Chaos and the Clutter

and

Bevy at Treasured Up and Pondered

both gave me The Versatile Blogger Award.

Theresa at Life in My Little Corner,

which is a new blog to me, gave me the

Tell Me About Yourself Award.

Here are the rules for The Versatile Blogger award:

-Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them.

-Tell your readers 7 things about yourself.

-Give this award to 15 recently discovered bloggers.

-Contact those bloggers and let them in on the news.

The rules for the Tell Me About Yourself Award are the same except that they don't specify that the 15 bloggers need to be recently discovered.

Following the rules isn't exactly my strong point, so I'll list the seven things about myself, but will pass on giving it to 15 other bloggers. I know, I know...I'm a party pooper, but that's just the way it is right now! :) If you're reading this and would like to participate, consider yourself nominated. Just leave me a comment and let me know because I'd love to read the seven things about you!

A huge thank-you to Sharla, Bevy, and Theresa...and here are my seven not-very-exciting-most-of-which-I've-already-posted-because-I'm-just-that-boring things:

1. I love email but refuse to text and don't like chatting. And don't even get me started about using the phone! I live in the House of 10,000 Interruptions per Minute, so email is the only way to go!

2. I absolutely love animals (which is tough when three of my kids are allergic!) and used to regularly rescue them and bring them home, while, supposedly trying to find homes for them. I'd love to be surrounded by potbellied pigs, fancy chickens, cats, and dogs, and I really want to have fainting goats as pets.

3. A man once tried to give Nick 30 camels in exchange for me when we were in Morocco.

4. I love to travel, especially with Nick who taught me to take the back roads (even when I was scared) and see how the people really live. He took me to the Austrian Alps to propose, the Spanish Riviera on our honeymoon, Hawaii for our five-year anniversary, and lots of interesting places in-between. At this point, I don't even dare travel to the grocery store most days, but I still have the dream of going to Alaska.

5. Five-day-old E joined our family exactly one month prior to my 50th birthday.

6. I love snorkeling but have no desire to ever go scuba diving.

7. My due date with Shandra was Valentine's Day, 1983, and GracieGirl joined our family on Valentine's Day, 2005 - 22 years later! Probably my greatest lesson in patience...

******************************

Independent Girl

2011-10-31T11:44:00.000-04:00

My sweet girl is fiercely independent and she isn't letting this cast slow her down at all! We're helping her practice asking for help when she really does need it, but she's figured out ways to do most things herself.

GracieGirl loves to do artwork, and for a minute or two, she struggled with getting the lids off of her markers. It didn't take her long to solve her problem, though!

October Snow

2011-10-30T23:49:00.001-04:00

The snow over the weekend was unusual and pretty. We're blessed to have power when others in the area are still without. We only lost it for a few seconds, but that was enough to fry the Wii. Poor E still can't come to grips with that!

We lost many large branches from my favorite dogwood tree, the tree outside my kitchen window that hosts the woodpeckers, goldfinches, and nuthatches that keep me entertained while I do dishes. I really hope that it survives.

GracieGirl just isn't able to sit still when she can be doing something physical, so, in spite of the doctor's warnings, she was out there snowboarding. Even with her broken hand tucked inside her jacket, she never once fell. (My prayers were answered!)

I love watching her because she's so graceful and coordinated and can effortlessly do all of the things I never could. I'm the most uncoordinated person I know, and it's a joy to watch her in action.

The kids sledded, threw snowballs, and made snowmen. As bad as the snow was for the bushes and trees, it was the perfect snow for all of those fun kid things!

Jay got in on the snowboarding action, too!

I've heard people say that we never had snow in October before, but that's not true. We actually had it three years ago, as can be seen here.

Adoption Magazine

2011-10-29T22:33:00.003-04:00

Adoption Magazine is an online magazine started by Sharla of The Chaos and the Clutter. Adoption Magazine is filled with information, written by Sharla and others, about all aspects of adoption. It's a great resource, full of experiences of others who have traveled this path.

I was so surprised when Sharla asked if she could use one of my posts, Empty Car Seats, in her magazine. That was one of the more emotional posts I've written; I still cry when I read it!

If you're interested in adoption, be sure to head over to Adoption Magazine. And while you're there, check out one of my favorite posts ever, written by my friend, Kiara, called Adoption Support 101.

*********************************

Family Talk

2011-10-28T21:38:00.006-04:00

The following is a typical, nonsensical conversation at our house, when everyone is talking at once.

I made cookies today, and the deal was that the kids had to eat something green if they wanted cookies.

After lots of groans, Nate went to the kids' dishes and pulled out a tiny bowl to fill with salad.

Me: "Oh, no. You're not using that little bowl. Go get one of the white bowls."

Nate: "White bowls? Was that a racial slur?"

Jay: "Who's Rachel Slur?"

Me (the instigator): She's my friend on Facebook.

GracieGirl, watching a fruit fly land on the table: "I'm going to kill that fly!"

Jay: "We're going to watch The Kid and the Spy??"

Nate: "Wait, what movie are we watching?"

Me (again, the instigator): "The Kid Who Killed the Fly."

E: "A movie?! Can we make popcorn?"

Jay: "Popcorn?? I thought we were having cookies!"

And I wonder why my head is spinning most of the time!

************************************

Pretty in Pink

2011-10-27T11:32:00.006-04:00

Three boys...and my little girl is the first one to break a bone! Two bones, to be exact.

We still don't know exactly what happened. GracieGirl's not one to divulge a lot of details. When asked to do so, she usually gets a blank, faraway look, and responds with either, "I don't know" or "I forget."

From what we could gather from the kids in the neighborhood, GracieGirl was on the neighbor's hammock and one of the older kids was spinning her around on it. She fell off, landing on her head, and must have used her hand to break the fall.

I lost some faith in my motherly instinct when E was little. One time, I was ready to call an ambulance because his breathing was so bad. Nick took him to the ER, and they sent him home. Another time, when I didn't think that he was that bad, they said to get him to the hospital right away. He spent three days there.

But, I couldn't shake the feeling that GracieGirl was really hurt. She doesn't complain, so it's hard to tell. She cried for a little bit, but she internalizes most things, so she just curled up, first on Nick's lap and then on mine. We finally decided that it was time for the ER.

It was a relatively short ER visit, but the level of insanity at home was, well, crazy!

Jay was in a bad place, blaming himself. He was at his social skills class when it happened, and he was sure that if he'd been there, he would have protected her, preventing it from happening.

E, always striving to be the center of attention, started saying that his bones hurt!

Then E started being aggressive towards Jay, who, as usual, needed his space. It got ugly in a hurry. I jumped up to go over and break up a fight, forgetting that I had a broken toe. Talk about pain! That's when Nick called with the progress report on GracieGirl, although I couldn't hear a word he was saying because of the chaos going on here!

I finally got everyone calmed down, and when I went back to check on the kids, Jay and E were looking at a science video...while Jay was calmly trying to hypnotize E. I guess that's one solution when you've had enough of E!

So, my baby girl went out first thing this morning and picked out her pink cast to go with her pink shirt, pink pants, pink socks, pink suede boots, and pink jacket. Too cute. When she came home, the only thing she was upset about was missing school! So, she's in school today, hopefully taking it easy!

*************************************

Kisses From Katie

2011-10-18T23:33:00.004-04:00

Okay, I just have to say how excited I am!

Megan at Millions of Miles
was giving away a copy of
Katie Davis' book, Kisses From Katie,
and I just found out that I won!!

I read Katie's blog,
and I absolutely cannot wait
to read her book.

Thank you so much, Megan!

************************

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2011-10-15T23:51:00.009-04:00

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I lit my candle tonight, as I've been doing for years. I find so much comfort in the Wave of Light.

I hadn't planned on blogging about this, but changed my mind after reading Karli's post at Curly Hairdo Ideas. One of the questions Karli asked is whether risking saying something to a grieving mom that might be misinterpreted is better than saying nothing at all.

In my opinion, it's always better to say something. When people didn't say anything to me or obviously avoided me, I figured that they just didn't know what to say. But, it still felt like they didn't care, which was painful.

Although saying something is preferable, it's also a good idea to think about what you say before saying it! Just keep in mind that nothing you can say is going to make the situation different, so don't try to cheer up the grieving mom. Things like, "you can always have another baby" or "she's in a better place now" just plain aren't comforting.

Another phrase I disliked was, "Give me a call if you need anything." Honestly, many days it was an effort just to breathe, and the last thing I had the ambition to do was pick up the phone and ask for something.

I think that keeping comments simple and sincere is best. If you don't know what to say, be honest. Just be sure to keep the conversation about the mom, and not about your feelings of discomfort. Try simply saying that you don't know what to say, but that you're thinking about her or praying for her. You could add that you're always willing to listen if she wants to talk.

I remember things that people did that were really special. One friend sent me a loose, comfy outfit because she knew that I'd be sore after the C-section. Another friend sent me some special tea and a pretty tea cup, and someone else gave me an angel baby pendant. Meals were appreciated, too. I also loved getting cards, and saved every one of them. It was always the little, heartfelt gestures that made a difference.

I think that the most important thing to relay is that you care. That's something that's ongoing, too. One of the difficult things about miscarriage and stillbirth is that only the mom had an intimate relationship with her baby, so it's easy to feel like everyone else has forgotten the child that they never knew. I can't even describe how much it meant to me (and still means to me) when people let me know that they were thinking about Shandra on her birthday. Just a quick email, voicemail, or card meant so much. I wasn't always up for talking on the phone but always appreciated the messages.

While I wanted to write about what to say, I think that it's equally important to talk about what not to say. Please, please don't ever ask grieving parents if they're over it yet, or suggest that it's time to move on. And please don't ask them if they're ready to "try again."

I'm talking about this from my point of view, which is why I'm focusing on the grieving mom, but I think that the grieving dad is often ignored, while much of the attention is on the mom. Dads need support, too.

October 15th is special because it not only gives parents an opportunity to honor their babies, it also helps others reach out and support grieving parents. When Shandra died, I got cards from older women, who said that they had lost babies years earlier and had never talked about it. Several mentioned that it was the single most painful experience of their lives, and it made me sad to think that they carried that burden alone. I'm glad that people are more open about it now and give parents the opportunity to talk about their babies.

**********************************

Wordless Wednesday: Autumn

2011-10-12T15:21:00.003-04:00

Apple Picking Time!

2011-10-05T10:02:00.011-04:00

GracieGirl and E both had field trips this week.
Since E is in two different classes at the same school,
he actually went twice, on both Monday and Tuesday!

They went to an apple orchard
to see how apple cider is made
and to pick their own apples.

Up, Up, Up! It's Apple-Picking Time
is one of our favorite "read over and over again" books,
so the kids were extra excited about picking apples!

E's Class

GracieGirl's Class

GracieGirl is in Kindergarten, so she went on the trip with her class, but Nick had to drive E there and accompany him on the trip, since he's in preschool. E attends both the Monday-Wednesday-Friday and the Tuesday-Thursday classes, so he ended up going on the field trip on Monday and again on Tuesday. Nick had considered just keeping E home on Tuesday, rather than having to drive him there a second day, but it's a good thing that they went. One of E's classmates, who was standing right next to E, was stung by a bee and started to go into shock! Nick grabbed E's Benadryl and EpiPen, and gave the Benadryl to the boy, while someone called an ambulance. Thankfully, they didn't need to give the EpiPen, but it was good that Nick had the Benadryl!

The kids each picked two apples
and brought them home in their own special little bags.

Meanwhile, Nick got a couple of cases of apples,
and we've started making applesauce.
We go through some serious applesauce around here!

Wordless Wednesday: The Secret

2011-09-28T23:54:00.002-04:00

E vs. iPhone

2011-09-25T06:54:00.004-04:00

And the winner is: E!!

Nick got a replacement glass piece for it but something else broke in the process of installing it! I'm not attached to my phone, so none of this bothers me. E claims it was an accident, and I'm inclined to believe him (mostly because he's usually proud when he breaks things deliberately!). Best of all, he showed what looked to me like true remorse, and that's much more important to me than any phone!

*********************************

This is a Test; This is Only a Test

2011-09-24T01:38:00.003-04:00

The background: E dropped an entire piece of cake on the floor, under the dining room table.

I watched it happen and watched him ignore it.

I decided to try an experiment: How long would it take before someone - besides myself! - picked it up.

Day One: Nothing, no cake action at all.

Day Two: Again, nothing. Are you kidding me??

Of course, to add to the puzzle, how are my kids, whose chore it is to sweep the floor each day, not sweeping up this cake??

Hmm...

Day Three: Nothing.

I contemplated calling off the experiment before the rats descended on us, but I didn't have to. In the evening of the third day, J walked by, glanced down, and yelled, "CAKE!"

Was he going to pick up said cake? Of course he was!

Why? Because he wanted to EAT it...and had no idea why I strongly objected to that idea!

I'm definitely not winning any parenting awards here!

********************************

Simple Beauty

2011-09-23T02:04:00.002-04:00

After my little meltdown, I started to head upstairs, but remembered that I'd promised GracieGirl that I'd fix her broken bracelet. I sat down at the table, still littered with schoolwork and art projects that I'd been too tired to clean up.

In the middle of the table, almost lost in the surrounding clutter, was the flower, the simple white clematis, that my kids had picked for me.

Such a powerful reminder that the beauty is always there, amidst the chaos, if I just take the time to see it.

Pitiful Self-Pity

2011-09-22T01:23:00.005-04:00

I haven't been writing much with any substance lately. I guess I've been reluctant to talk about what's really going on. It's nothing new, really; I'm just handling it (or not handing it) differently.

E's sleep doctor wanted him to take sleep meds because he's not getting enough REM sleep. So, we started them last week, and they worked great! He fell asleep...and woke up three hours later! Second night: same thing.

His latest nighttime thing is waking up, screaming that he needs a banana! He has to have it right then and there. He NEEDS a banana. He has bad thoughts in his head when it's dark out and he needs it to be light so that he can get the bad thoughts out of his head...and get his banana. WHEN is it going to be light out??? He paces, he cries, he throws himself on me, and he repeats the banana/bad thoughts thing over and over and over.

It would be awesome if that happened just one time per night...but oh no, we aren't that lucky. Nope, we're talking numerous times.

And, just in case we don't get bored, GracieGirl wakes up because she's wet the bed, Nate either sleepwalks or is up complaining that everyone wakes him up, and J comes in at 4:00 a.m., asking if he can go play Pokemon on my computer!

But, since this post is about ME and how messed up I am, I will just say that the nighttime tirades have brought me to a new level of exhaustion. I shake, I can't remember things, can't focus, and don't feel like I can deal with anything.

When the kids fight and torture each other, all stinkin' day long...

Oh, wait! I forgot to mention that when they started E on sleep meds, they discontinued his other meds. Those would be the ones that make him SANE during the day. Now he's back to NO impulse control, no attention span, turning him into one big ball of sound and motion. NONSTOP sound and motion! The other kids react to and/or feed off of that behavior, and so I feel like I'm completely surrounded by nonstop sound and motion.

Oh, and I've had an eye infection for a couple of weeks so my contacts are out, which means that I'm living with BLURRY nonstop sound and motion!

School has started again, so, in addition to the nonstop blurry sound and motion, I hear (over and over and over again!) from my adolescent sons:

I HATE school!

This school is so stupid!

I'm not doing it!

I don't understand this!

I'm soooo stupid!

I HATE school!

GracieGirl loves school and never complains...unless I've asked one of the two evil questions that absolutely put her over the edge:

Which outfit would you like to wear?

What would you like to eat?

Yep, those two questions do her in. I'm talking major screaming, crying, throwing herself to the floor, kicking. It blends perfectly with the other noise and chaos in the house.

Oh, wait! I did it again. This is about ME!

Okay, so I just live with this STUFF all day, every day. Day in and day out. And I'm OLD! Way too old to be dealing with this, I'm sure of it! The result is that I shake and my heart pounds and my head tries to pound louder than my heart, and I stand there, fists clenched, eyes closed, unable to catch my breath, and I ask myself just how long I can go on like this before I have a stroke! Or, during a particularly awful dinner the other night, how long before I have a stroke and an ulcer!!!

I usually write as a release because it makes me feel better. I don't feel at all better after this post. My heart's still pounding and my jaw is still clenched and my shoulders are still up in my ears.

And, it's 1:00 a.m., typically the time that E starts waking up. Time to go up and do it all over again.

I'm ready to get off this train.

***********************************

Different Desserts

2011-09-21T23:53:00.004-04:00

Nick, Nate, J, and I went out to lunch at a Chinese buffet while the littles were in school. It was a nice break from the usual routine, and Nate and J were having fun and kidding around with each other. After lunch, they had dessert and both boys got different flavored jello. They were playing around, trying to suck it through their straws. At one point, Nate offered J a square of his jello. J took a bite, and his eyes got wide, as he let out a J yell! Nate was laughing as J grabbed for his glass of water and started drinking.

Apparently, Nate put salt and lots of pepper on the jello!

J had gotten a plate of fruit for me, and then he came back with a bowl of chocolate pudding for Nate. Nate took a big bite...and his eyes got even wider than J's had! It turns out that Mr. J doused the chocolate pudding with soy sauce!

I think they're now even...and will hopefully call it quits!

***********************************************

Dream Vacation 2003

2011-09-17T15:30:00.013-04:00

I once mentioned the world's worst timeshare in Basye, Virginia, but I never blogged about it. I don't have a whole lot to say, partly because we were there in 2003, and most days I can't remember what happened yesterday, let alone eight years ago! The other reason is because it wasn't the best vacation.

Okay, so Michelle and her family were there, which means that we laughed a lot.

Other than that, here are the highlights:

The timeshare was nasty. Really, it was pathetic. We usually stayed at Massanutten, which we love. This was the polar opposite. Think I'm exaggerating? Here's an example of the "artwork" that graced the paneled bathroom wall:

It was a real braid, made out of synthetic hair.

Nasty.

It rained the entire week. Honestly, the only redeeming quality of the entire timeshare was the indoor pool. Without it, I'm convinced that we parents would have lost what little bit was left of our minds.

The kids were LOUD! Think I'm exaggerating? Check it out:

We played a lot of cards.

The kids consumed record amounts of blueberries.

That was the week in words.
Here is the week in pictures!

JJ and Hannah

Shauna

JJ

Alex and JJ

Hannah and Nate

Nate, climbing the walls
Note the photographer in the mirror

Steven and Luke
Love the look on Luke's face...

LOVE this pic of Hannah, Shauna, and Alex!

My favorite picture of Steven and Nate
Notice the park-like setting...

Nate and Alex
playing in one of the resort's
many scenic ponds

Steven and JJ
There's a story behind this picture, so note the
contents of JJ's hand. Because of my lack of memory,
Michelle will have to tell the story
of what JJ did to and said about their van!

And finally, here's JJ, trying to navigate
the flood waters in the parking lot:
(For the record, the noise is wind, not thunder!)

Another fine vacation with Michelle and Family!

*************************

Fearless?

2011-09-17T13:57:00.004-04:00

I recently posted pics of Nick and some of the kids fishing. Here's J's pic, which is similar:

And then they're E.

E is honestly not afraid of much, but judging by this picture, I'd say we've found something that scares him! He loves to go fishing, but look what happens when he catches something:

He caught the fish, he reeled it in...but as soon as he saw that thing, he was outta there!

Thankfully, since he feels that any clothes in the house, regardless of size, belong to him, he had a big shirt to hide behind!

***********************************

Celebrating

2011-09-16T22:37:00.000-04:00

My kids are the best.

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 75.

I didn't even have the motivation to get out of bed this morning, but the kids had other plans. They wanted to celebrate! So, being the good mother that I am (ha!), I baked a cake and asked Nick to go buy balloons.

We went out in the front yard and sang Happy Birthday like crazy people...loud enough so that she could hear us all the way up in heaven. ;)

E still wants to know when she's coming back, and once we answer that question, he wants to know why she can't come back. We told him, again, that she's waiting for us to come to her!

We went inside and the kids lined up a row of 7 candles, followed by a row of 5 candles on the cake. We sang a much more subdued version of Happy Birthday, complete with harmony (accidental - we're not that talented - but it sounded great!).

It was a tough day, complete with tears, but I think that the kids' idea of celebrating was better than my idea of being depressed!

I have lots to learn from them.

Happy Birthday, Mom/Demma!
We love you and miss you!

Tie-Dyed, Take 2

2011-09-15T18:35:00.003-04:00

J just saw the picture I posted of the kids in their tie-dyed shirts, and he was not happy, saying that he looks stupid. He asked that I post a better picture, so here you go, J!

E's Egg Challenge

2011-09-14T18:47:00.008-04:00

E finally had his egg challenge yesterday. I scrambled up six eggs and sent them, along with a bottle of ketchup (yes, E is one of those people who puts ketchup on everything!), with Nick and E to the appointment.

The appointment generally lasts for about two hours, while they expose E to more and more of the eggs. At one point, he started gagging and had some trouble eating them, so the doctor kept him for an extra hour, just to watch for any more reactions.

In the end, he sent E home, saying that he's no longer allergic to eggs and can go ahead and eat them.

Last night, E announced that he had to throw up. He was finished by the time I got in there, and I asked him if he threw up his dinner. He said no, he'd just thrown up his germs.

Sure, whatever.

So...as the sun was just rising this morning, I was awakened by: "Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! It's time for me to have my eggs for breakfast!"

Then he had a meltdown because he didn't want them cooked; he wanted to crack them and eat them raw!

Give me strength. ;)

We had two eggs left in the house, and Nick fried them up. E was thrilled! He sat at the table, while Nick grabbed the camera to record the momentous occasion. E took his first bite...

and promptly threw it up!

I called the allergist, who felt that it was more of a taste/texture issue than an allergic reaction. He said not to give E any more plain eggs, but to try them in pancakes or french toast.

E is excited about the pancakes...but now says that he doesn't like eggs!

*****************************

Memorable Birthday

2011-09-13T22:13:00.009-04:00

Yep, my birthday was Sunday.
9/11.
And while I would never want to make light of 9/11,
that card really sums it up.

It's hard to celebrate a birthday on 9/11.

I sure didn't celebrate 10 years ago.

Nine years ago, I reluctantly agreed to go out to dinner...
and we had almost the entire restaurant to ourselves!

Over the years, I celebrated for the kids' sake,
but it wasn't easy.

This year, I decided to just enjoy.
I asked Nick to let me sleep in the morning,
but I didn't have any expectations.
Trying to keep E quiet in the morning
is next to impossible,
especially once E gets wind of the fact
that we really want him to be quiet!
The only result of that is that E gets
louder and louder!

I didn't want Nick to have that added stress,
so I got out of bed.
Of course, E immediately yelled,
"Mommy! You're supposed to be asleep!!!"

Nick made a great breakfast for me
and then took the kids to church,
so I had several hours alone.

Sigh.

Then, my sister took me out for lunch.
I don't even remember the last time
she and I went out,
so it was extra special.

Afterwards, she watched the kids
while Nick and I went out for dessert.
I knew exactly where I wanted to go
and exactly what I wanted to get.
I knew exactly which lake I wanted to
sit by while savoring our treats.

The restaurant was closed.
My second choice didn't have coffee
to go, so we went to a third place.
It, too, was closed.
The fourth place was open.
By then, it was too late to go to the lake.

It was all good.
No expectations, remember?

We drove to a local park...
where they were having a big
birthday party
for a bunch of
little kids!

So, we parked in the back,
near the outhouses.

Oh well, the desserts were good,
as was the company.

We went home and the kids
showered me with bracelets
they'd made for me
out of plastic alphabet beads,
each bracelet
proclaiming their love for me.

It doesn't get better than that.

**************************

E's First Day of School & Lots of Transportation!

2011-09-12T20:07:00.008-04:00

As is typical, we've had to fight to get services for the little kiddos. Finally, the battle seems to be over. GracieGirl and E attend the same school, just a mile away. The school district buses GracieGirl but won't bus E, even though it's in his IEP. So, a private transportation company was hired to drive E to and from school. The driver travels 45 minutes to get here and then drives E the one mile to school! This happens at the same time that the little local bus picks up GracieGirl and drives her to the same destination. Crazy.

What's crazier is the afternoon schedule. We live on a small cul-de-sac, but it's like Grand Central Station here in the afternoon. The bus drops off GracieGirl. E's sedan (did I mention that his driver arrives in a brand new luxury car?) drops him off. A van comes to pick up J for his social skills class. To add to the craziness, another van comes to pick up a neighbor at the exact same time, and then E's PCA pulls up for his afternoon session!

As tiring as the fighting was, we finally appear to have a plan that works. GracieGirl and E are both doing well in school, E has some good aides and therapists, and J is back in his social skills class. And in spite of the all of the transportation craziness, it's better than us having to do all of that driving!

Games Day

2011-09-10T16:46:00.004-04:00

GracieGirl, E, and I played games this morning. It was, well...interesting.

First, we played I Never Forget a Face Memory Game. Since my memory is almost completely nonexistent at this point, I lost. By a landslide.

Next, we played Go Fish. GracieGirl and I play this a lot, but it's a whole different game when E and his Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) play. It went something like this:

Me: E, do you have 7's?

E: I don't have any. Go fish.

Me: Yes, you do; you just asked for 7's last round.

E: Nope. Don't have any.

Me: Give me your 7, please.

E, looking me straight in the eye: I said I don't have any 7's!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Mr. E headed off to time out...but not before throwing his remaining cards across the room.

I guess Go Fish and ODD just don't mix!

********************************

National FASD Day

2011-09-09T09:09:00.001-04:00

Today is National Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day (FASD). Please say a prayer on 9/9 at 9:09 for all women to abstain from drinking alcohol for 9 months of pregnancy to finally put a stop to the most underdiagnosed, misdiagnosed, 100% preventable, life-long epidemic facing our world today!

First Day!

2011-09-08T23:54:00.000-04:00

A cute little bus...

For a cute little girl!

Today was GracieGirl's first day of school. I'm trying to let go of feeling like I should be homeschooling her. It's a wonderful little school and she's so excited about going! I know that it's the right place for her this year.

E's going to the same school, and his first day is next Monday. Stay tuned!

******************************************

Tie-Dyed in the Catskills

2011-09-07T23:12:00.000-04:00

I took the three youngest kiddos up to the Catskills for Labor Day weekend, while Nick and Nate stayed home and tore up carpeting in the bedrooms! That may not sound like a good deal for Nate, but he was happy to stay home. He had a birthday party to go to, he earned a new pair of headphones that he'd wanted, and they got to order take-out and eat allergy foods that aren't normally allowed in this house!

My in-laws blessed us with new floors, which Nick installed in the boys' room. The hardwoods in GracieGirl's room and our room were good enough to be salvaged. They need some work, but I love them. Nick's friend also painted GracieGirl's room pink, something that she'd wanted since her birthday in February.

The day after we got home, J saw a new dermatologist at Children's Hospital, who took one look at his eczema, and said that it was classic environmental eczema. The first thing he asked was if J had carpeting in his bedroom! How's that for timing??

My sister provided some crafts to keep the kids busy while we were in the Catskills. One of them was tie-dyed shirts, which they loved. Since we were near Woodstock, the shirts fit right in.

GracieGirl took it one step further and started meditating! E, of course, had to jump in there and get in on the action!

Face the Facts

2011-09-06T23:58:00.001-04:00

Me: I am so exhausted. I just need some peace and quiet!

Nate: Mom! You have four adopted kids with issues! You need to face the fact that you will never have any peace!

He makes me laugh so hard, and he usually doesn't even know why I'm laughing!

************************************

Fish Envy

2011-08-27T11:20:00.002-04:00

Nick has been teaching GracieGirl how to fish.

I think perhaps she should be teaching him!

Many Appointments, Few Answers

2011-08-26T19:56:00.005-04:00

E had his sleep study a few weeks ago.
He did surprisingly well with all of the leads and wires,
although he looks a bit apprehensive in the picture!

Nick went with him and said that E had a typical night...
restless, waking up, crying a lot.

We got the results the other day: E gets very little REM sleep, he has night terrors, and his CO2 levels were quite high. Apparently, that could be a result of asthma or a side effect of certain meds. E does not have sleep apnea.

Her only recommendation was that E get sleep meds to help him get some more REM sleep. She needed to check with the pediatric doctor about meds and the CO2 levels.

I wasn't too happy about that. There was plenty of time between the test and the follow-up appointment for her to consult with the pediatric doctor. I don't feel like we have any concrete information at all, and we're left with a vague "we'll get back to you" after our follow-up. Frustrating.

The next day, E saw his psychiatrist. She increased one of E's meds slightly...and then informed us that she's leaving! Ugh. He has one last appointment with her next month and I have no idea what we'll do after that.

Meanwhile, J saw his developmental pediatrician yesterday. We had lots of concerns but I don't feel like we came away with many answers. Physically, my greatest concern is his weight gain; he gained 20 pounds in the past month or so. I asked about weight gain being a side effect of his new meds and she said that it was not. I was sure that I'd read that it was, so I came home and looked up the prescribing information online. Sure enough, both weight gain and increased appetite are frequent side effects! So, I have a call in to her...

Nate had his monthly orthodontist appointment and the good news is that he doesn't need more oral surgery! He's happy and is sporting new blue and black braces. The other good news is that the orthodontist agreed to start seeing J, even thought it's against their policy to start seeing patients who are in the midst of getting treatment. J's orthodontist stopped accepting his insurance, and J has all sorts of issues, so we really needed to find someone competent. Nate's doctor is amazing, the only downside being that he's an hour away. Hopefully, we can get both boys on the same schedule and the doctor can eventually start seeing them at the same time.

I had to reschedule E's egg challenge with the dermatologist because I have apparently destroyed the few remaining brain cells I'm blessed with, and I forgot to stop giving his allergy meds before the test!! It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done the exact same thing before his cooked egg challenge! Honestly, life without brain cells is just plain hard!

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Meds and Judging

2011-08-22T11:23:00.002-04:00

I read an article about the pharmacy industry and the overuse of psychiatric drugs in children. The gist of the article was that startling numbers of parents are medicating their children just for being children, without a thought to the potential side effects.

The comments on this article were from people in agreement, saying that "those parents" just need to give their children more love because love heals everything. Others felt that the parents simply need to discipline their children and stop spoiling them. One person said that the problems were caused by poor diet, and that feeding the children healthy foods was the answer.

In spite of the serious topic, I had to laugh because I could have written most of those comments...before I had children. I knew so much back then, or so I thought. I was sure that love, established boundaries, and diet could cure anything.

I agree that meds may very well be overprescribed. Still, we ended up choosing meds for some of our children. It was not a decision we took lightly. And we certainly didn't, as the article suggested, give meds because our kids were running around, full of energy, just being kids! Far from it. We chose meds when children were physically hurting their siblings (and me) many times a day, making death and suicide threats, knocking over heavy furniture, threatening with knives and scissors, and much, much more.

What I finally understood and accepted is that we're not talking about kids misbehaving; we're talking about damaged brains. Brain damage. Love, discipline, and diet aren't going to cure it. I know; I've tried! :) I do believe that lots of love, plus boundaries and structure, and diet are all good and can have positive effects. But, the damage is still there.

I could choose to insist that love is the answer...and continue to get physically attacked. I could choose corporal punishment, time-outs, or removal of privileges, and watch the same behaviors repeated, over and over again. I could dole out the organic smoothies, and watch them being flung across the room!

The meds are not the definitive answer. They don't erase the behaviors. What they do is lessen the number and intensity of incidents each day, allowing me and Nick to jump in and dole out the love and the boundaries. That's impossible to do in the middle of a rage, when the only goal is to keep the child, others in the house, and ourselves from getting seriously hurt.

What bothered me most about the article was the way the author lumped all parents who choose medication into one tidy little category. The truth is that there are so many variables, and it's unfair not to look at them individually.

In our case, we are not bad parents. We are not ineffective parents. We don't medicate because we don't want to deal with our high-energy kids. Contrary to what you may believe, you couldn't do it better if you were parenting our kids. Well, maybe you could, who knows? But, our kids' behaviors wouldn't be any different if you were parenting them than if we were. Why? Because it's not about the fact that we're not disciplining or because our personalities clash or because you believe that our kid is playing us. It's because of the damage that their brains have sustained.

Our children have so many wonderful, amazing qualities, and if we're out and about, that's what you'll see. Unless you live with us, you probably won't ever see some of the behaviors I've mentioned. That doesn't mean they're not happening.

One thing that having children with special needs has done is make me much more tolerant of others. I no longer judge when I see a kid acting up in public; I wonder if he or she has autism or FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) or RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) or any of a host of other diagnoses. I don't automatically see a parent who really should keep his or her kid under control; I view the parent with compassion. I wish more people could do the same. Because, honestly, parenting kids with special needs is hard. It's 24/7 and it's exhausting and frustrating and health-robbing and it tears apart relationships, marriages included. In addition to all of that, parents are also often faced with friends and families that judge, criticize, and turn their backs.

If someone says that they're parenting children with difficult behaviors, don't discount what they're telling you. You may not understand it, and if you don't, be thankful! I don't know that people can fully understand it unless they've experienced it. There are parents out there living almost unimaginable lives, day in and day out, and many say that they've lost most, if not all, of their friends and often their extended families, too.

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SO Lucky!

2011-08-22T10:21:00.001-04:00

Nate went over the edge the other day. It was hilarious. He started talking and laughing, and I started laughing, and neither of us could stop.

He just asked why, out of all of the families on the planet, he ended up with ours, the craziest family out there!

And then he went off on his tirade, laughing the whole time:

J's outside, running up and down the streets with a giant purple squid hat on his head, loudly quoting lines from movies...while the neighbors across the street are having a big party!

E is out there, peeing on the walkway.

GracieGirl is walking pigeon-toed, sucking her thumb, talking baby talk.

And you...(as he looks at me)...you yell at me for not picking something up, and when I tell you that you never asked me to pick it up, you say, "Oh well, I asked you in my head!"

There was more, that isn't even bloggable, but it was just a great release, as we both sat there, laughing so hard we were gasping for air, and I reiterated, "Yep, you are soooo lucky. Out of all of the families out there, you got us!"

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Sleepless, Skateboardless Night

2011-08-21T07:55:00.003-04:00

This is just so typical of E.

He wanted to go skateboarding. He couldn't find a skateboard, and one of the kids reminded him that the one he was looking for was broken.

So, he started talking about how he wanted a skateboard. Over and over and over. Not demanding, just like it was stuck in his head and he couldn't think or talk about anything else.

Nick was leaving for the Farmer's Market for the day, so I told E to ask Daddy about the skateboard. Nick said that he would look to see if they had one there.

Approximately four minutes after Nick left, E started in:

Is Daddy home yet?

Is Daddy coming home now?

Is the Farmer's Market over now?

Daddy's on his way now, isn't he?

When is Daddy going to be HOME??????

Again, not demanding. Just relentless.

In an attempt to distract him, I suggested that we look at skateboards on Amazon. He found one that he liked. Spideyman, of course. I said that if he ordered it with his birthday money, it would be here in three days.

From that point on, he alternated between asking if Daddy was on his way home to holding up his fingers and counting the number of days until the skateboard arrived.

This wouldn't have been too bad except that his little brain doesn't shut off just because he goes to sleep! He woke up many times throughout the night, asking if his skateboard was here.

And just to keep things interesting, J, who obsesses about Lego Universe, also woke me up before 5:00 AM, asking if he could go play Lego Universe on my computer. Apparently, I must have muttered yes, because he woke me a few minutes later to tell me that my computer was shut down!

Shortly after that, E woke me up, announcing excitedly that today was the day for his skateboard to get here! I reminded him that it wasn't coming yet. He started saying how we needed to go to the store and get it. I told him that the stores weren't open. He paced the floors, tearing up tissues into tiny pieces, repeating the same things over and over again. Still not demanding, just sad and frantic, getting more and more panicked as he paced and obsessed...

I'd love to find that little "off button" in his brain
and just flick that switch!

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One Day

2011-08-14T01:18:00.013-04:00

The Dream:

Four whole weeks with all four kids in different camps
Being alone with Nick
Getting caught up with paperwork, housework, decluttering, homeschool planning, and ripping out carpeting to make it safer for our dust allergy kiddos
Maybe even going out and doing something fun with Nick

The Reality:

One day alone with Nick

Last Monday was the big day. GracieGirl and E went to camp, and Nate and J went to my in-laws' house at the beach. Nick and I went for a quick swim together after being ordered by our therapist to do something fun! The rest of the day was spent on paperwork.

And, as of last Thursday, Nate is the only one still going to camp.

That was the day that Nick went to pick up GracieGirl and E at the YMCA camp. All of the kids were down at the little public park at the bottom of the hill. As Nick parked, he watched GracieGirl and E run through the parking lot (which is a shared parking lot for other businesses and is also a narrow back street), alone, up to the office. The building was unlocked, and when he got there, he found both children in there, alone. He signed out both kids and started to leave with them, without any staff members present.

He was not happy,
and after gathering up their backpacks,
he spotted E's EpiPen bag in the office!!!

After our initial fiasco with E's EpiPen, the camp director held a meeting and assigned someone to carry E's EpiPen bag so that it was with him at all times, no exceptions. They put up signs and made it a peanut-free facility. They sent home notices to the parents. There are two other kids there with peanut allergies and we were happy to see those changes implemented.

After all of that, I was shocked to hear that it had happened again. Nick said that we simply couldn't send them back, so we withdrew both kids. Once again, I contacted the camp director, who was appalled, apologetic, and furious with her staff.

So...we had our one day this summer. The house is still a dust-filled, disorganized mess, the paperwork still out of control, and Nick and I often resort to emailing each other because there's no time to talk. E is back to life at home without the structure of camp, which is always an adventure. But, he's alive and healthy, and we're thankful for that. I was so skeptical about sending him to camp because it's really hard to trust strangers with your child's life. It was the first time the kids ever went to camp, and it may be the last. We'll see.

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Orlando Silent Auction Fundraiser!

2011-08-13T14:48:00.013-04:00

I first read about Orlando earlier this year and thought that it sounded like the most amazing vacation I could imagine!

There was a time when my most amazing vacation would have involved a cruise or a tropical beach. Today, that definition is spending a weekend with a group of moms who are also parenting kids with attachment and other related disorders. Moms who don't looked shocked or just plain don't believe me when I describe some of our days. Moms who get it.

Although I'd read about Orlando, and knew that there's another Orlando (officially called the Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting) next year, I didn't even entertain the thought of going. After all, it's 1000 miles away; these days, I rarely travel 1000 feet! And then there's the expense, and the time away from the children... It was just too far out of my current reality to even consider.

I commented on a blog by a mom who had been there this year, and she promptly sent me an email, encouraging me to consider going. All I can say is that, within no time at all, every single thing fell into place, and I was signed up to go next year! It was just unbelievable!

The only detail I haven't worked out is exactly how I'm going to get there. I was kind of counting on our tax refund to help out with that, but I'm not holding my breath after our current tax fiasco experience! But, I have to believe that I'm meant to be there, so I'm choosing not to worry about the travel details right now. :)

Corey, who puts this whole amazing respite retreat together, has several fundraisers to help moms like myself, who couldn't otherwise afford to go there. Corey currently has an online silent auction running through August 25th. There are some great items, and I'd encourage you to go check them out! I know a whole lot of moms (myself included) who would appreciate it!

To go to the Orlando Scholarship Fundraiser auction, click here.
The auction ID is: Orlando
The password is: Orlando

You don't have to sign in to view the auction, but you will have to create a user name and password in order to bid on an item. To read more about the details of the auction, go here.

Thanks so much,
and please consider helping to spread the word,
via mouth, email, Facebook, or your blog!

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The BEST birthday ever!

2011-08-07T13:36:00.001-04:00

We had a very simple family party for E's 5th birthday yesterday, and in his words, it was the BEST!

My in-laws came a day early and helped out, and my sister-in-law brought all sorts of cool party stuff! All four of E's cousins were here, and he was so happy about that.

E wanted a pool party with a focus on "Spideyman," and that's what he got!

There were Spideyman decorations, swimming in a Spideyman bathing suit, a pinata, and then jumping on the trampoline, after dumping the pinata candy and balloons on it!

Then came birthday presents, and when the last package was opened, E had Spideyman outfits including bathing suits, socks and underwear, a Spideyman hat, wallet, watch, umbrella, backpack, lunch box, snack bag, bowl, sandwich holder, placemat, folder, books, stickers, and figures. He also got lots of cool pool toys, more books, Pokemon cards that he "always wanted," and some other toys!

E did really well for the most part. He'd been waking me up every morning all week to count down the days with me. Yesterday, he crawled up next to me at 4:00 am and asked if he was five! There were a few rough moments later in the morning, but he really held it together when everyone was here. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy and content. After the party, he told Nick that it was the best birthday ever.

He woke up this morning a little before 1:00 am and was having trouble breathing. As we gave him a treatment, he lifted up his mask, and reiterated, "Mommy, that was the best party ever."

Moments like that make me forget all of the struggles and remind me how blessed we are to have E in our lives. There's so much sweetness there, and my prayer is that we can continue to heal the other junk and let that sweetness come through more and more.

1-2-3 Gluten-Free

2011-08-06T23:47:00.002-04:00

I tried a gluten-free cake mix from 1-2-3 Gluten-Free for E's birthday. The mix is free of gluten, wheat, dairy, casein, peanuts, tree nuts, corn, sugar, eggs, and soy. I had both chocolate and yellow, and decided to try the chocolate first.

The mix calls for eggs, but also has an egg-free version using flaxseed. Since E can eat eggs in baked goods that have been baked for at least 30 minutes, I used eggs and made a 9 x 13" cake. It rose beautifully and although we didn't get a single picture of it, it was a great looking cake!

I'd never used a cake mix to which you have to add your own sugar, but I ended up liking it because they have an option for making it with agave syrup and maple syrup. It was very sweet and I don't think that anyone would guess that there was no refined sugar in it.

Everyone who tried the cake really liked it, and these are people who aren't necessarily used to GFCF, refined-sugar-free cakes!

Personally, I like the chocolate cake I make from scratch better, because I think it's just a bit moister. This was very good for a mix, though, and I'll definitely make it again. Next time, I'll try making 9" round cakes because I think I'd like it better with the extra icing in-between the layers.

Ingredients: Rice flour, potato starch, tapioca starch, aluminum-free corn-free baking powder, natural flavor, xanthan gum, salt. Manufactured in a dedicated allergen-free facility (NO gluten, wheat dairy, casein, peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, and soy!).

Just Because

2011-08-04T23:53:00.006-04:00

I've been feeling like I complain too much, that I'm too negative.

The truth is that a lot of what I write is tongue-in-cheek. I have to have a sense of humor about some of this stuff or I'll lose my mind. Writing is my way of letting it out.

Still, this is my official complaint-free post, focusing on all the good stuff.

First of all, I have amazing friends. Friends who have done things for us without me asking, without us deserving it. Just because.

Chris has come over several times, kids in tow, and cleaned and organized. Just because.

Recently, when Nick and Nate went to Creation, I panicked because I needed to get Jadyn and Ian to camp while they were away and I didn't have a car. My friend, Jackie, who I met through my blog, let me use her car for the whole week! Just because.

Also, Michelle, who I also met online, came up and "babysat" me while Nick was away. Just because...Nick told her she had to!

Last week, I got a package in the mail. Nick saw my reaction as I opened it and said to the kids, "Somebody grab the tissues; Mommy's going to cry again!" My friend, Letitia, sent allergy covers for Jordan's pillows! I can't even express how much that meant to me, but it amazed me that someone I've never met would think about something that my child really needed and then go out of her way to order it for him! Just because.

My friend, Michele, is someone else I've never met in person, and she has sent clothes for the kids and supplements that J needed. Just because.

Another online friend, Renee, sent me an apron. Just because she knew I liked them.

A friend, who I won't name because I just have a feeling that she wouldn't want me to, sent us some money that was given to her. Just because she felt like it was meant for us.

My bloggy friend, Dawn understands E's behaviors all too well, and offered to send some child window guards for the bedroom. Just because.

Stacey, another bloggy friend, has sent clothes to GracieGirl...gorgeous dresses and amazing dress-up princess gowns. Just because. (And please pray for Stacey's brother who is in the hospital after having emergency brain surgery!)

Kari knows that we're learning about FASD and sent me a magazine with a great article about her and her son, and loaned me a book on FASD. Just because.

I saw my therapist yesterday and worked on some hard stuff. I was being really stubborn (surprise, surprise) and said that I refused to go there. I eventually decided to talk, and afterward, she told me that I'd done some hard work that would wear me out. She asked if I could go home and relax. I just laughed. So, she handed me some money and told me to go out to lunch with Nick and J. Just because.

This afternoon, J's behavior therapist went for a walk with him and got him a treat while they were out. She came back with a whole bag of goodies for the family. Just because.

There's not one material thing, no matter how much I may think that I need it, that can compare with the happiness I feel from people reaching out. There have been so many people who have blessed us during these past three years. I don't know that I'll ever be completely comfortable being on the receiving end, but it has been a humbling experience.

I've mentioned it before, but one of the most special things I can remember is when my friend, Susan, sat me down and propped up my feet. She peeled an orange, and brought it to me, along with a cup of tea. I was having such a tough time with an inconsolable newborn, and that simple act of kindness made a huge impact.

Another time, I went to a seminar at a large church. I went alone and didn't know anyone there. At lunch, an older woman, named Theda, came up and invited me to sit with her. She thought that I was amazing for going there by myself. Afterward, she walked with me to a distant class, and I later learned that she had COPD, so the walk must have been really hard for her.

Susan and Theda are both gone but I'll never forget their kindness. As I'm working on the never-ending task of cleaning the "stuff" out of my house, I'm reminded that there is nothing that I have to hold onto, because love and kindness are the things that matter.

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Lunch!

2011-08-03T23:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I went out to lunch with three of my friends. That's probably not a big deal for many people, but it was huge for me. I've tried to get together with them so many times, and for one reason or another, it never worked out. I almost thought that it was going to fall through again, but I made it!

It was so good to get out. All three friends are adoptive moms, and there's nothing I love more than talking "issues" with people who get it! :)

The only downside was that the time absolutely flew! Three hours passed way too quickly. I'm determined to do it again, without waiting another three years!

One of the moms, Bonnie, is battling cancer. I sure would appreciate it if anyone wanted to send some healing prayers her way! Thank you!

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A Child's View of the KFA Foundation

2011-08-01T21:46:00.005-04:00

We have found so much help and support from Kids with Food Allergies. I found this video on their site and was surprised to see a picture of E in it! Watch the whole thing to learn more about how children and their families are affected by food allergies, or skip to 7:13 to see one cute little guy!

Crying...followed by Laughing

2011-07-31T07:54:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was horrible. No way around it.

One of my wishes on this crazy ride is for the drama to wait until my eyes are open in the morning before it begins. It rarely happens, but I still hope for it!

It definitely didn't happen yesterday.

Nick was gone for the day. Without going into all of the gory details, some of the day's highlights were overturned furniture, a flying cereal bowl, an airborne Rummikub game, hitting, slapping, shoving, screaming, kicking, threatening, running away, poop on the deck, a cell phone hurled at the wall, and a whole lot more screaming.

In the midst of it, a certain religious group came knocking at the door. Umm...not a great time to stop by. Really.

I tried to laugh about it. I tried to engage them with games like Rummikub and cards and puzzles. The truth is that I ended up crying. Crazy crying. Couldn't-catch-my-breath-freaked-the-kids-out-crying.

Not how I wanted to react, but it did catch their attention and stopped the crazies for a few minutes...

My therapist had suggested that, when things get intense, I tell the person(s) involved that I need a few moments to be alone to think and that I'll return with an answer or solution. I tried to explain that that's really not possible when objects are being thrown through the air at my head, or a child is raging, or perseverating, which ultimately leads to a rage!

She'd also given me some verses to post around the house, and told me to pause and ask God for the strength to do what isn't humanly possible to do. I did that a few times, and it honestly did help.

So...Nick finally came home last night, and I finally laughed. Hard.

First, I have to give some background, as always. :)

There's a local candy store that we pass on the way to the turnpike, and we sometimes stop there and buy some chocolate. The last time we stopped, we didn't eat it all, and I knew that there was a little piece of fudge left.

Last week, when I had a day similar to, but not quite as intense as yesterday, I searched for that fudge because I needed some chocolate! I couldn't find it anywhere! Nick thought that it was in the freezer out on the porch, but I never found it.

So...yesterday, when Nick came home from a long day, he was on the porch, and he saw a bag sitting there. He peeked inside and was thrilled to find the fudge!

He suddenly caught a whiff of something awful, and said, "What on earth is this??"

That's when a little voice said, "Oops! I forgot to throw that away after I cleaned it up off the deck. That's my poop!"

And that's when I laughed. I laughed as hard as I'd cried earlier in the day. What a great release.

And I may have even been cured of my chocolate cravings.

At least for awhile...

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Verses from my therapist:

Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

And my God will meet all your needs
according to the riches of his glory
in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

And one of my own:

But he said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake,
I delight in weaknesses,
in insults, in hardships,
in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

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