First, I decided to switch to a private blog. I felt that, especially as the kids were getting older, there were things that I just couldn't share publicly.
Then, I stopped blogging on the private blog.
I've noticed a pattern over the past few years. I plug along, venting about some of the craziness here in an attempt to hold on to my sanity. Then things get really bad, I get overwhelmed, I feel awful for being so negative, and I shut down. I stop blogging, I stop posting on Facebook, I attempt to shut people out. I slowly pull myself out of that bad place, and feel the need to start blogging again.
So, I'm finished with the private blog. I started writing, just for myself, to let out the mounting feelings. That's where I put the unbloggable stuff. Not necessarily bad stuff, but stuff that my kids wouldn't want me sharing publicly. The rest of it? I'll continue to blog about that here.
One of the biggest recent changes is that I'm no longer homeschooling. I'm sad in a way because it was something I'd always dreamed of doing, but I'm also relieved. It just wasn't working, but I kept trying to force it to work. I finally surrendered, and I'm starting to feel happier about it.
Nate is in public high school, and he loves it. The two littlest are at a charter school and they're both thriving there.
Jay's situation has been a bit more complicated. Last year, we'd entertained the idea of him attending a school for kids on the autism spectrum. We learned that it would have to be approved by the school district, so we approached them and went through the motions of getting an evaluation. This took many months, and when all was said and done, the school district decided that he should try public school first. He started right after Thanksgiving, with an aide. The short version is that he lasted two weeks and fell apart. Big time. His doctor said that he was not to return to school, so they set up homebound instruction with a tutor. The tutor was amazing, but after two weeks, we had asked for and gotten approval for the autism school, and Jordan started there last week! I never thought it would happen that fast.
I'm scared to even say it out loud, but he's doing really well there and loves the school! This is nothing short of a miracle. It's a very small school, the kids are high-functioning, and he can relate to them and is making friends there. The biggest plus is that the school's philosophy is that he should be himself, and they're not trying to change him. I just couldn't be happier about the whole situation. Getting here was very painful, but I feel like we've arrived.
We switched agencies and have all new therapists, some of whom haven't even started yet. I'm not sure how it's going to work out, especially juggling five different therapists at home, but we're taking it one day at a time. Truth be told, I still miss our old therapists terribly, but I'm trying to move forward.
My goal now is to focus on getting better. I'm seeing some new doctors who have me on new meds, and we're getting a tiny bit of improvement. Next week celebrates an entire year since my headache first started. Different specialists disagree about what's causing it, and all I know is that it's really old! :) It's been almost a year since my eyesight started going, and they can't agree on the cause of that, either. One doctor thought that the tumor was pressing on the ocular nerve; another doctor didn't think that was the case. Again, all I know is that it's extremely frustrating, and was a major consideration in stopping homeschooling. I can make the font big enough on the computer so that I can read, but I can't read books anymore.
Nick's been working hard, essentially being a single parent. I can't drive anymore, so he takes me to all of my appointments, and the kids to theirs, in addition to doing all of the shopping, cooking, and errands. Oh, and in his spare time, he's running the business! I don't know how he does it all.
One thing that we're looking forward to is an upcoming trip to Disney! My cousin gave my whole family (14 of us) the trip as a Christmas present. Amazing. I have no idea how I'm going to pull it off, but I trust that everything will work out. Everything's been set up so that I'm comfortable, which I really appreciate. No one has any expectations; I can do as much or as little as I like. I know that my sisters will take the kids to the parks when I'm can't. The kids are so excited!